now you can cut me free

gosh my posts are all so cryptic. haha. i almost can't stand it myself!

mah boys all know, i'm probably one of the most transparent when sharing. and i do not hold back anything in my life that attests to the love of God in my life. that - i share without hesitation, to just about anyone who wants to listen :)

what im talking (or not talking) about then, i guess, are the other intricacies of life. the stuff that goes on in my head on a daytoday basis. the stuff that im really thinking about, when others spot me looking in the distance. i always seem light years away. i probably am.

here's a snippet. it may not make sense to you.

i want desperately to see true value in life, in people. if you really want to narrow that down more, i guess i want to see God, in life and in people. the value that He sees. i get glimpses, yeah. but oftentime, we all get too caught up with our own battles to realise the absolute currency of His love all around. I wanna learn to see things - if you will, through a lens like this: one that recognises the love and the goodness poured out by Him into creation, including every single person that was made in His image.

The human heart was made with an innate desire for more than this. it was designed to long for something intangible, something infinite, something out of this world.

something like eternity.

something that transcends time. past, present and future.

i want to hold fast to the things that of eternal value. the things that can allow me to look past many of the superficial things that beg for our time and attention.

still, so profound is the necessity of having a purpose. not just for life, but in just about everything we do.

to deviate a little again -

memories are such beautiful things. each time i come home, my mind like clockwork induces my heart with nostalgia through captured frames of yesteryear. it's an awesome feeling. my mind remembers, then my heart remembers. it's almost like im back in time again. there are so many triggers for this too. earlier in september in my grammas house it was like being 4 all over again when i went to her house (the house i grew up in). it was incredible.

similarly, just as im able to conjure almost virtual-reality-like simulations of life experiences - i realise im also able to be lost in surreal dreams of the future. i suppose this is why i hold tight to certain things more than others too, because to me, its already real before it is. similarly, the heart gets might swayed by even things that are not (yet) real. and at times, this can be quite a problem.

the danger(s) then, lie in me being never fully attuned to the present. because of my propensity to be lost in the past and in the future.

now you know why im light years away.

now you know why i want to see the world through those lenses.

:)

home

Around here, it's the hardest time of year
Waking up, the days are even gone
The collar of my coat
Lord help me, cannot help the cold
The raindrops sting my eyes
I keep them closed.

But I'm feelin' no pain
I'm a little lonely and my quietest friend
Have I the moonlight? Have I let you in?
Say it aint so, say I'm happy again

Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks

I'm all right. Don't I seem to be?
Aren't I swinging on the stars?
Don't I wear them on my sleeve?
When you're looking for a crossroads,
It happens every day
And whichever way you turn,
I'm gonna turn the other way

Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Learn to let it bend before it breaks

Say it's over say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks