gosh my posts are all so cryptic. haha. i almost can't stand it myself!
mah boys all know, i'm probably one of the most transparent when sharing. and i do not hold back anything in my life that attests to the love of God in my life. that - i share without hesitation, to just about anyone who wants to listen :)
what im talking (or not talking) about then, i guess, are the other intricacies of life. the stuff that goes on in my head on a daytoday basis. the stuff that im really thinking about, when others spot me looking in the distance. i always seem light years away. i probably am.
here's a snippet. it may not make sense to you.
i want desperately to see true value in life, in people. if you really want to narrow that down more, i guess i want to see God, in life and in people. the value that He sees. i get glimpses, yeah. but oftentime, we all get too caught up with our own battles to realise the absolute currency of His love all around. I wanna learn to see things - if you will, through a lens like this: one that recognises the love and the goodness poured out by Him into creation, including every single person that was made in His image.
The human heart was made with an innate desire for more than this. it was designed to long for something intangible, something infinite, something out of this world.
something like eternity.
something that transcends time. past, present and future.
i want to hold fast to the things that of eternal value. the things that can allow me to look past many of the superficial things that beg for our time and attention.
still, so profound is the necessity of having a purpose. not just for life, but in just about everything we do.
to deviate a little again -
memories are such beautiful things. each time i come home, my mind like clockwork induces my heart with nostalgia through captured frames of yesteryear. it's an awesome feeling. my mind remembers, then my heart remembers. it's almost like im back in time again. there are so many triggers for this too. earlier in september in my grammas house it was like being 4 all over again when i went to her house (the house i grew up in). it was incredible.
similarly, just as im able to conjure almost virtual-reality-like simulations of life experiences - i realise im also able to be lost in surreal dreams of the future. i suppose this is why i hold tight to certain things more than others too, because to me, its already real before it is. similarly, the heart gets might swayed by even things that are not (yet) real. and at times, this can be quite a problem.
the danger(s) then, lie in me being never fully attuned to the present. because of my propensity to be lost in the past and in the future.
now you know why im light years away.
now you know why i want to see the world through those lenses.
:)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
home
Around here, it's the hardest time of year
Waking up, the days are even gone
The collar of my coat
Lord help me, cannot help the cold
The raindrops sting my eyes
I keep them closed.
But I'm feelin' no pain
I'm a little lonely and my quietest friend
Have I the moonlight? Have I let you in?
Say it aint so, say I'm happy again
Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks
I'm all right. Don't I seem to be?
Aren't I swinging on the stars?
Don't I wear them on my sleeve?
When you're looking for a crossroads,
It happens every day
And whichever way you turn,
I'm gonna turn the other way
Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Learn to let it bend before it breaks
Say it's over say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks
Waking up, the days are even gone
The collar of my coat
Lord help me, cannot help the cold
The raindrops sting my eyes
I keep them closed.
But I'm feelin' no pain
I'm a little lonely and my quietest friend
Have I the moonlight? Have I let you in?
Say it aint so, say I'm happy again
Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks
I'm all right. Don't I seem to be?
Aren't I swinging on the stars?
Don't I wear them on my sleeve?
When you're looking for a crossroads,
It happens every day
And whichever way you turn,
I'm gonna turn the other way
Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Learn to let it bend before it breaks
Say it's over say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry, I can take it
Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks
Thursday, October 01, 2009
thank you
to all who have been praying with me for my grandma, thank you so much
she passed away peacefully this morning
im on the next flight back to kl, and will be away for a week
thank you all again
blessings
jonlee
she passed away peacefully this morning
im on the next flight back to kl, and will be away for a week
thank you all again
blessings
jonlee
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
look over there
in the midst of the storm
there is hope
the smell of rain
the howling wind
the flash that cuts the sky in two
still, i'll go
because i sense a new season coming
soon, and very soon
Living Rain
wash my heart again
there is hope
the smell of rain
the howling wind
the flash that cuts the sky in two
still, i'll go
because i sense a new season coming
soon, and very soon
Living Rain
wash my heart again
Monday, September 07, 2009
im gonna
keep pressing on
in faith.
Walking, stumbling
On these shadow feet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Now fast approaching is the day
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
There's distraction
Buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way
You make all things new
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
in faith.
Walking, stumbling
On these shadow feet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Now fast approaching is the day
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
There's distraction
Buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way
You make all things new
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
in between
at the end of the day
i realise,
that i am no different.
as much as i want to be.
It's been a really peculiar time, these past few (many) days. Strangely, as uncomfortable as things seem there's also a sense of sobering actuality. i can't say it's bad, or good, for that matter. all i know is that it's certainly humbling and remarkably unlike anything i've experienced for a very long time. still, over the years i'd thought i'd get it figured out. such that things wouldn't be like that anymore.
and, as the years have come and gone, i can't actually say that there has been a real, tangible experience in deciphering and understanding. instead, i seem to always find myself (lost) in a swirl of familiar yet unsettling situations. always feeling raw, shaken, and left (worse than) the way things were.
am i making progress? that's where it's at anyway. and again, in a weird weird way...
...i am?
i think deep down, i'd subconsciously decided that rather than being like that (ever again) i'd just let it slide. let mr rational and mr idealistic do the thinking, and the doing (meaning nothing). and all this.. ...just doesn't solve anything at all. instead, all it has served to do is to make me more and more distant. unengaging. numb.
cold.
it's a strange thing the way Jesus works, in how He changes us - from the inside out, to open our eyes to see what it really means to (die and) live.
And though the world won't wait for me to deliver the textbook, model solution for and in every situation and circumstance thrown my way, i really shouldn't mind any more.
Because if i have not love, it wouldn't really mean anything, anyway.
so even when everything i think can go wrong does go wrong, and everything comes crashing down. would i still stand? would i still hope? would i still love?
the funniest thing about this (and i realise just how gloomy this all sounds especially if you read it with my whole black and dark gloomy kinda font/theme) is that through all this trial and confusion i'm actually being changed. that when things don't happen the way i hope they do or when i concede that i am lost, weary and defeated - something is at work, still. and this isn't just being positive and wearing a smile that masks the pain. if anything, the pain has to be there. i'm starting to understand that. it's not natural to like pain, of course, but understanding it as you go through it is something different entirely.
Suffering reminds us how we are human, less we forget.
but it also speaks of why we are in need of a Saviour.
so before i become carried away with plans of being all angel-like, at least i should be reminded of my humanity first. I'm not an angel, nor am I an animal. I am a man. God's creation, bearing His likeness and image. and, being fallen but restored through faith in Christ's sacrifice, and sharing in an inheritence that is eternal, I now continue to live a life poured out as a living sacrifice.
just being honest with myself.
that's what (Y)you've been teaching me all along.
i realise,
that i am no different.
as much as i want to be.
It's been a really peculiar time, these past few (many) days. Strangely, as uncomfortable as things seem there's also a sense of sobering actuality. i can't say it's bad, or good, for that matter. all i know is that it's certainly humbling and remarkably unlike anything i've experienced for a very long time. still, over the years i'd thought i'd get it figured out. such that things wouldn't be like that anymore.
and, as the years have come and gone, i can't actually say that there has been a real, tangible experience in deciphering and understanding. instead, i seem to always find myself (lost) in a swirl of familiar yet unsettling situations. always feeling raw, shaken, and left (worse than) the way things were.
am i making progress? that's where it's at anyway. and again, in a weird weird way...
...i am?
i think deep down, i'd subconsciously decided that rather than being like that (ever again) i'd just let it slide. let mr rational and mr idealistic do the thinking, and the doing (meaning nothing). and all this.. ...just doesn't solve anything at all. instead, all it has served to do is to make me more and more distant. unengaging. numb.
cold.
it's a strange thing the way Jesus works, in how He changes us - from the inside out, to open our eyes to see what it really means to (die and) live.
And though the world won't wait for me to deliver the textbook, model solution for and in every situation and circumstance thrown my way, i really shouldn't mind any more.
Because if i have not love, it wouldn't really mean anything, anyway.
so even when everything i think can go wrong does go wrong, and everything comes crashing down. would i still stand? would i still hope? would i still love?
the funniest thing about this (and i realise just how gloomy this all sounds especially if you read it with my whole black and dark gloomy kinda font/theme) is that through all this trial and confusion i'm actually being changed. that when things don't happen the way i hope they do or when i concede that i am lost, weary and defeated - something is at work, still. and this isn't just being positive and wearing a smile that masks the pain. if anything, the pain has to be there. i'm starting to understand that. it's not natural to like pain, of course, but understanding it as you go through it is something different entirely.
Suffering reminds us how we are human, less we forget.
but it also speaks of why we are in need of a Saviour.
so before i become carried away with plans of being all angel-like, at least i should be reminded of my humanity first. I'm not an angel, nor am I an animal. I am a man. God's creation, bearing His likeness and image. and, being fallen but restored through faith in Christ's sacrifice, and sharing in an inheritence that is eternal, I now continue to live a life poured out as a living sacrifice.
just being honest with myself.
that's what (Y)you've been teaching me all along.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
exhaustion
i can't believe i actually almost passed out.
haha.
it was a real funny feeling. like my mind had turned into cotton wool. my legs became jello and i struggled to understand people, and be comprehensible for that matter.
well, some rest should be good.
thanks everyone for all the wishes :)
i need to rest
indeed
in You.
much love.
haha.
it was a real funny feeling. like my mind had turned into cotton wool. my legs became jello and i struggled to understand people, and be comprehensible for that matter.
well, some rest should be good.
thanks everyone for all the wishes :)
i need to rest
indeed
in You.
much love.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
y'know what jay chou songs do?
not much at all really. its fun trying to make out the lyrics though, cuz he minces the words so much!
i feel like sashimi.
kinda raw.
i feel like sashimi.
kinda raw.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
wah
bringing the cousin around has been kinda tiring! haha
also, didnt know my couch was so comfortable to sleep on
also, didnt know my couch was so comfortable to sleep on
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
like its '65
there are many things that i believe in
that i feel are worth fighting for
these things, for better or worse, have mostly been somewhat noble aspirations
but being just that, just aspirations, doesnt count for much.
we have our heroes.
but by our strength alone we cannot stand the test of adversity
we all need something greater
a strength that is grounded
in faith, hope and love
at the end of the day however, there are a couple of words that bear much meaning in the entirety of it all. simple words that dont need describing. all i know is that saying these words takes heart, less they be meaningless.
i'm sorry.
oh how these words bring life
that i feel are worth fighting for
these things, for better or worse, have mostly been somewhat noble aspirations
but being just that, just aspirations, doesnt count for much.
we have our heroes.
but by our strength alone we cannot stand the test of adversity
we all need something greater
a strength that is grounded
in faith, hope and love
at the end of the day however, there are a couple of words that bear much meaning in the entirety of it all. simple words that dont need describing. all i know is that saying these words takes heart, less they be meaningless.
i'm sorry.
oh how these words bring life
Monday, July 13, 2009
renewed
so blessed
by Your grace
and Your love
I won't give up.
not for my sake but for Yours
bought at a price
ransomed by grace
indeed, this heart
these hands
are for Your glory
not mine
i see it now
by Your grace
and Your love
I won't give up.
not for my sake but for Yours
bought at a price
ransomed by grace
indeed, this heart
these hands
are for Your glory
not mine
i see it now
Thursday, July 02, 2009
in moderation
I spent the whole day at home today - practicing!
however, i'm still undecided as to whether or not days like these are good for me. haha. i mean, i do enjoy it - time goes by so quick when you get on a roll. but progress is still kind of slow. i'm only maybe about 45secs in? and a kinda shaky 45secs at that. haha. another 5mins or so to go (and its gonna get much harder!) however, perhaps the best outcome of this is to abandon computer/video gaming for this as a far more productive substitute. i wonder what mom thinks? haha :) i think it would come down to the weighing out of cost(of my new hobby) vs wastedtime(from playing games) for her to decide. hahaha. ohwell, not that she knows about it (yet) anyway (unless dad told her)
meanwhile, i heard the best piece of advice from dr lim this evening. it was so nonchalant, kinda mixed in with comments about the taste of our dinner, but ah words of wisdom from our ex-president haha.
i suppose it was from Ecclesiastes, but the way he said it was so simple. so matter of fact.
every now and then, dr lim drops really valuable stuff like this (which reminds us also why we respect him much) but it really also offsets all the rubbish he sometimes utters (also there was quite a bit over dinner haha)
sorry to bring you back to earth, dr lim :)
i remember also feeling some kind of epiphany/revelation this afternoon after one of those shower qt's (lol), but i can't seem to remember it anymore. it's just as Tim had talked about on Sunday! how it's so clear while you're in the shower but when you step out it becomes hazy. hahaha. i actually smiled when he said that because i know exactly how that feels, and today was no exception. i only vaguely remember who it was regarding and that it was about some action on my part. hmmm. i hope it comes back to me :)
oh! and to my surprise, i watched a bollywood film today. and i thoroughly enjoyed it!!!
om shanti om
i found myself wanting to sing and dance along sometimes. hahahahaha
anyway, back to the topic
yeah i find that days like this are okay. as long as it's done in moderation. and, more importantly, the thought processes (the thinking really) needs to be in moderation. looking back at the past, i think my mind has always been really good at getting too far ahead of reality even in a visual sense (ie. dreaming). i suppose this helps me draw, and helps my art (and design), but still. i'm not sure how it helps me get closer to You.
everytime i want to strike out at it myself, i am humbly reminded again that i am not my own
and that things take time. and patience.
and, maybe that was why dr lim made so much sense just then.
this attitude of surrender is not characterised or brought about by ceasing to care, but because i care much.
"There are many plans in man's heart, Nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand." prov 19:21
sometimes i feel like i can barely contain it. and yet, at the same time i know that only You could truely take it all
however, i'm still undecided as to whether or not days like these are good for me. haha. i mean, i do enjoy it - time goes by so quick when you get on a roll. but progress is still kind of slow. i'm only maybe about 45secs in? and a kinda shaky 45secs at that. haha. another 5mins or so to go (and its gonna get much harder!) however, perhaps the best outcome of this is to abandon computer/video gaming for this as a far more productive substitute. i wonder what mom thinks? haha :) i think it would come down to the weighing out of cost(of my new hobby) vs wastedtime(from playing games) for her to decide. hahaha. ohwell, not that she knows about it (yet) anyway (unless dad told her)
meanwhile, i heard the best piece of advice from dr lim this evening. it was so nonchalant, kinda mixed in with comments about the taste of our dinner, but ah words of wisdom from our ex-president haha.
i suppose it was from Ecclesiastes, but the way he said it was so simple. so matter of fact.
every now and then, dr lim drops really valuable stuff like this (which reminds us also why we respect him much) but it really also offsets all the rubbish he sometimes utters (also there was quite a bit over dinner haha)
sorry to bring you back to earth, dr lim :)
i remember also feeling some kind of epiphany/revelation this afternoon after one of those shower qt's (lol), but i can't seem to remember it anymore. it's just as Tim had talked about on Sunday! how it's so clear while you're in the shower but when you step out it becomes hazy. hahaha. i actually smiled when he said that because i know exactly how that feels, and today was no exception. i only vaguely remember who it was regarding and that it was about some action on my part. hmmm. i hope it comes back to me :)
oh! and to my surprise, i watched a bollywood film today. and i thoroughly enjoyed it!!!
om shanti om
i found myself wanting to sing and dance along sometimes. hahahahaha
anyway, back to the topic
yeah i find that days like this are okay. as long as it's done in moderation. and, more importantly, the thought processes (the thinking really) needs to be in moderation. looking back at the past, i think my mind has always been really good at getting too far ahead of reality even in a visual sense (ie. dreaming). i suppose this helps me draw, and helps my art (and design), but still. i'm not sure how it helps me get closer to You.
everytime i want to strike out at it myself, i am humbly reminded again that i am not my own
and that things take time. and patience.
and, maybe that was why dr lim made so much sense just then.
this attitude of surrender is not characterised or brought about by ceasing to care, but because i care much.
"There are many plans in man's heart, Nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand." prov 19:21
sometimes i feel like i can barely contain it. and yet, at the same time i know that only You could truely take it all
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
as a child
who then, shall be considered great in the kingdom of God?
He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
committing to prayer, i think
is something i've learnt to enjoy :)
He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
committing to prayer, i think
is something i've learnt to enjoy :)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
unexpected
the very word to describe everything.
Its my first sleepless night in 10years. Funny how its not because of architecture.
But rather, something much more.
Its my first sleepless night in 10years. Funny how its not because of architecture.
But rather, something much more.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
foundations of architecture
the exam is tmr! haha.
im not sure what to think.
it feels like i know what im doing... but if you ask me a question from the notes, i... prob couldnt answer it? haha. there's a lot to memorise. i'm almost over this thing. just really psyching myself to go over everything just one more time. and again. and again. and. again. i should spell out exactly what i want to write for the thematic essay, for a more structured approach, but i just cant right now. haha maybe tmr.
for tonight! shortanswerquestions + 60 buildings shortlist. CMON
tmr - essay structure + go over everything again. sounds like a plan!
dates dates dates
thats the bit thats really killing me. hahaha.
meanwhile, lakers won! kb4mvp. couldnt ask for more really. just figured that i havent really written about it anywhere... so. here it is! i suppose i can claim i got to watch them live in their championship season :)
God's been really shaping me. everyday, its rollercoaster. in a good way, i suppose :) even when i think im getting used to stuff, and starting to grow comfortable again, stuff happens and i find myself back in that place again. but its all good :) always another opportunity to learn to rely on Him. been reading through an old book (which i cant seem to rem if ive done before or not) and finding good counsel in the words - rekindling a passion of mine :)
i think its a great challenge to desire more of an awareness, even. to be inclusive as opposed to exclusive. to see You in everyday, everything, everyone :)
mmmmmmmm
i never knew St Peter's in the Vatican City was built over where Peter died. haha. stuff you learn about in foundations of architecture?
:)
im not sure what to think.
it feels like i know what im doing... but if you ask me a question from the notes, i... prob couldnt answer it? haha. there's a lot to memorise. i'm almost over this thing. just really psyching myself to go over everything just one more time. and again. and again. and. again. i should spell out exactly what i want to write for the thematic essay, for a more structured approach, but i just cant right now. haha maybe tmr.
for tonight! shortanswerquestions + 60 buildings shortlist. CMON
tmr - essay structure + go over everything again. sounds like a plan!
dates dates dates
thats the bit thats really killing me. hahaha.
meanwhile, lakers won! kb4mvp. couldnt ask for more really. just figured that i havent really written about it anywhere... so. here it is! i suppose i can claim i got to watch them live in their championship season :)
God's been really shaping me. everyday, its rollercoaster. in a good way, i suppose :) even when i think im getting used to stuff, and starting to grow comfortable again, stuff happens and i find myself back in that place again. but its all good :) always another opportunity to learn to rely on Him. been reading through an old book (which i cant seem to rem if ive done before or not) and finding good counsel in the words - rekindling a passion of mine :)
i think its a great challenge to desire more of an awareness, even. to be inclusive as opposed to exclusive. to see You in everyday, everything, everyone :)
mmmmmmmm
i never knew St Peter's in the Vatican City was built over where Peter died. haha. stuff you learn about in foundations of architecture?
:)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
65'
Just handed in the ED essay today, 3000 words, 18 pages in about... hmmm. 9 hours? hahahaha. the dr in the house says i cut it close each time. i got it in a minute before the chute closes. it was exciting making it to the chute!! the dr gave me a lift and we were fighting through semipeakhour traffic to get there. it was tense, man. calling the turns and the lane changes just trying to save the couple minutes. and then bailing when we get to grattan st as i make a mad dash on foot across the uni grounds to the archi office.
well its in now isnt it? :) haha
i know i know i cut it close. i procrastinate. i dillydallyaround until lastminutepanic sets in. and even then, i wouldn't really call it panic.
but
Your grace keeps me going.
I sincerely sincerely sincerely need to work things out - see the bigger picture. regain passion and hope and love and faith and truth and be intentional in what i do
it's funny, really. there are intangible struggles that the world doesnt see, doesnt define as legitimate problems in the pursuit of success. weak, they call it. get over it. cmon stand up and move on.
i dont buy that.
you see, in my apparent weakness to the world, things change. shift. thoughtprocesses that were once unquestioned as concrete and 'the way the world works' begin to unravel as perhaps questionable. more than that, this state of helplessness then allows for someone greater to work in and through me, for a purpose greater than my own.
perspective.
T issued the challenge the other day. i sought refuge, escape and/or freedom. he pretty much told me to get back into it and learn to accept it.
i said there was no hope. i said if. maybe. probably (not). I said i was tired. of getting killed time and again.
he said hope. believe. hang on. resurrect. learn. and beyond everything, build a foundation.
so here i am.
hoping, believing, hanging on, dying and coming back, learning
and building.
that's what i do isnt it?
well its in now isnt it? :) haha
i know i know i cut it close. i procrastinate. i dillydallyaround until lastminutepanic sets in. and even then, i wouldn't really call it panic.
but
Your grace keeps me going.
I sincerely sincerely sincerely need to work things out - see the bigger picture. regain passion and hope and love and faith and truth and be intentional in what i do
it's funny, really. there are intangible struggles that the world doesnt see, doesnt define as legitimate problems in the pursuit of success. weak, they call it. get over it. cmon stand up and move on.
i dont buy that.
you see, in my apparent weakness to the world, things change. shift. thoughtprocesses that were once unquestioned as concrete and 'the way the world works' begin to unravel as perhaps questionable. more than that, this state of helplessness then allows for someone greater to work in and through me, for a purpose greater than my own.
perspective.
T issued the challenge the other day. i sought refuge, escape and/or freedom. he pretty much told me to get back into it and learn to accept it.
i said there was no hope. i said if. maybe. probably (not). I said i was tired. of getting killed time and again.
he said hope. believe. hang on. resurrect. learn. and beyond everything, build a foundation.
so here i am.
hoping, believing, hanging on, dying and coming back, learning
and building.
that's what i do isnt it?
Thursday, June 04, 2009
perspective
life can be viewed so many ways
perspective, eh?
sometimes it seems remarkably clear. i wonder why i dont see it sometimes. judgement clouded, heart stifled, mind without focus.
and then
_____ creeps in.
BUT
i will stand firm. i will put on the armour. i will trust, ask, and take heart.
for You are with me.
always, to the very end of the age.
perspective, eh?
sometimes it seems remarkably clear. i wonder why i dont see it sometimes. judgement clouded, heart stifled, mind without focus.
and then
_____ creeps in.
BUT
i will stand firm. i will put on the armour. i will trust, ask, and take heart.
for You are with me.
always, to the very end of the age.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
yesteryear
i was just readin' an old post from an old(er) blog of my own. of which was a post referring to an even older post from an even older blog. so technically this is a post about a post about a post of another of my blogs. haha :)
its funny how things turn out haha
but today, i saw something else.
i saw something of the future in You.
which is why, we have hope :)
and so, the post yes the post!:
Friday, August 01, 2008
will the real jon lee please stand up?
i was just reading through my old posts when a particular one caught my attention. dated dec 20th 2003.i sound like a different person.goodness, look at august25th 2003.im shocked (and amazed) at sept 8sept 1, 18yearold's concept of ahembut i actually remember the 20th of dec 2003. i was still really into bball. i was still lovin' and still livin' (haha i used to write like that) and most of all, i remember that play i watched that night with davin. i put up my hand that night and You saw me.but it almost feels surreal. I can hardly recognize. goes to show how much life changes, shapes, moulds. (You, really :) ) i could never have imagined what was on the cards. not even close. i was happy. i was happy go lucky. not a worry in the world.not that i'm no longer, but it's just so different.growing up eh' hmmmmmmmmmmmmmsome say growing up makes you more cynical. you could probably add to list: worry worry worry. more responsibilities. prioritize, prioritize. so much to do so little time. didn't do that well enough. forgot to do that. ah, no money. oh, if only. this one that one. sound familiar? haha.i was reading a chapter out of 'The Secrets Men Keep' last night. (what a title) and apparently, men find it progressively harder to let stuff out after they've been burned. a state of broken-ness and vulnerability you'd rarely find a man, often hidden under an escutcheon of pride, and image - it's a different type of pride. so yeah, it's tough to talk about deepest darkest. while i don't think this is exclusive to just men, I also see just how vital it is to incorporate deepsharing in men's discipleship.to comfort them with a; 'it's okay. really.' a pat on the back. a heartfelt prayer.I used to really love psalm 119. it was the young man's psalm/prayer for me. i also found it soverycool that it was the longest psalm. like extra special haha (ok easily amused) but yeah the whole hide Your Word in my heart theme. loved it to bits.another thing. i think deep down, for most guys, we still really wanna be that knight (i'll leave out the shining armour). ok, maybe not quite batman dark knight, although that would be reallycool, 'oh, actually im batman' hahahahaok maybe not. but yeah. the whole righteousness, justice, chivalry thing. fighting for what we believe. fighting for the poor. fighting for the powerless, the mistreated. and not only fighting the good fight, and trouncing our enemies, but romancing the lady, (singular, and special) with utmost respect.but most of all, laying down our lives for the King.for honour, for gloryfor the King that saved us all.another great point was that Christian men go through years and years of well, being Christian, just to become? well. really nice guys?is that all we are? or become? really nice guys? forgive me, but mayhap, that sounds a little boring. sorry, but i'd be a batman any day. hahaha. I think it's vital to also remember that as we surrender ourselves continually, it does not necessarily mean we become boring and unassuming. I really think that the Creator is far more creative than that :)and so, the whole point was? oh yeah. i read an old post from back in 2003.i think i would do good to remember just how far God has brought me. and be thankful for it. i'm not boring.
i 'm justswept away by His love.
Posted by iamjonlee at 12:51 AM 0 comments
haha
its funny how things turn out haha
but today, i saw something else.
i saw something of the future in You.
which is why, we have hope :)
and so, the post yes the post!:
Friday, August 01, 2008
will the real jon lee please stand up?
i was just reading through my old posts when a particular one caught my attention. dated dec 20th 2003.i sound like a different person.goodness, look at august25th 2003.im shocked (and amazed) at sept 8sept 1, 18yearold's concept of ahembut i actually remember the 20th of dec 2003. i was still really into bball. i was still lovin' and still livin' (haha i used to write like that) and most of all, i remember that play i watched that night with davin. i put up my hand that night and You saw me.but it almost feels surreal. I can hardly recognize. goes to show how much life changes, shapes, moulds. (You, really :) ) i could never have imagined what was on the cards. not even close. i was happy. i was happy go lucky. not a worry in the world.not that i'm no longer, but it's just so different.growing up eh' hmmmmmmmmmmmmmsome say growing up makes you more cynical. you could probably add to list: worry worry worry. more responsibilities. prioritize, prioritize. so much to do so little time. didn't do that well enough. forgot to do that. ah, no money. oh, if only. this one that one. sound familiar? haha.i was reading a chapter out of 'The Secrets Men Keep' last night. (what a title) and apparently, men find it progressively harder to let stuff out after they've been burned. a state of broken-ness and vulnerability you'd rarely find a man, often hidden under an escutcheon of pride, and image - it's a different type of pride. so yeah, it's tough to talk about deepest darkest. while i don't think this is exclusive to just men, I also see just how vital it is to incorporate deepsharing in men's discipleship.to comfort them with a; 'it's okay. really.' a pat on the back. a heartfelt prayer.I used to really love psalm 119. it was the young man's psalm/prayer for me. i also found it soverycool that it was the longest psalm. like extra special haha (ok easily amused) but yeah the whole hide Your Word in my heart theme. loved it to bits.another thing. i think deep down, for most guys, we still really wanna be that knight (i'll leave out the shining armour). ok, maybe not quite batman dark knight, although that would be reallycool, 'oh, actually im batman' hahahahaok maybe not. but yeah. the whole righteousness, justice, chivalry thing. fighting for what we believe. fighting for the poor. fighting for the powerless, the mistreated. and not only fighting the good fight, and trouncing our enemies, but romancing the lady, (singular, and special) with utmost respect.but most of all, laying down our lives for the King.for honour, for gloryfor the King that saved us all.another great point was that Christian men go through years and years of well, being Christian, just to become? well. really nice guys?is that all we are? or become? really nice guys? forgive me, but mayhap, that sounds a little boring. sorry, but i'd be a batman any day. hahaha. I think it's vital to also remember that as we surrender ourselves continually, it does not necessarily mean we become boring and unassuming. I really think that the Creator is far more creative than that :)and so, the whole point was? oh yeah. i read an old post from back in 2003.i think i would do good to remember just how far God has brought me. and be thankful for it. i'm not boring.
i 'm justswept away by His love.
Posted by iamjonlee at 12:51 AM 0 comments
haha
Saturday, May 23, 2009
at least.
hello!
just felt like penning (well ok, typing) a heartfelt post coming from the real iajl
it feels good. it feels good to be close to God. through the hardtimes and heartache, self-doubt and self-consciousness, it somehow seems ok. because of Jesus, really. if not for Him, i really shudder to think where i'd be right now. prolly a hermit somewhere or idunno. on the streets or something. destroyed by the condemnation of notbeing goodenough nor living up to the world's standards - being eaten up on/from the inside.
Truely His love is amazing. with it, i learn not to fear. (because perfect love drives out all fear) i learn not to judge (because i will be judged by the same measure upon which i judge) and i learn to well, believe. and have hope. and joy. and faith and truth and love. :)
recently, i heard someone's take of what being loved by God must be like - 'like being wrapped up all over with cottonwool, soft and nice' :) i can't help but smile at a description like that really! haha. so nice and mmmmmmm. it's alot more than that though, methinks. it must be an infinite amount of cottonwool, because He is! :) because no one can grasp or comprehend how far, wide, deep His love is.
i cant explain it. how can you explain love? (gosh i sound like a emo teen again)
what does God's love mean to you? and me? i'd like to have a good think about that. and let the depth of His love and truth seep into the wells of my heart. (psalm 119)
and you know what? His love comes with something really cool too.
passion.
passion for people and purpose. inspiration, motivation whatever you want to call it. its this passion that gets my creativejuices flowing. a passion for life, a passion to live.
if anything, just for that
i already can't thank You enough.
just felt like penning (well ok, typing) a heartfelt post coming from the real iajl
it feels good. it feels good to be close to God. through the hardtimes and heartache, self-doubt and self-consciousness, it somehow seems ok. because of Jesus, really. if not for Him, i really shudder to think where i'd be right now. prolly a hermit somewhere or idunno. on the streets or something. destroyed by the condemnation of notbeing goodenough nor living up to the world's standards - being eaten up on/from the inside.
Truely His love is amazing. with it, i learn not to fear. (because perfect love drives out all fear) i learn not to judge (because i will be judged by the same measure upon which i judge) and i learn to well, believe. and have hope. and joy. and faith and truth and love. :)
recently, i heard someone's take of what being loved by God must be like - 'like being wrapped up all over with cottonwool, soft and nice' :) i can't help but smile at a description like that really! haha. so nice and mmmmmmm. it's alot more than that though, methinks. it must be an infinite amount of cottonwool, because He is! :) because no one can grasp or comprehend how far, wide, deep His love is.
i cant explain it. how can you explain love? (gosh i sound like a emo teen again)
what does God's love mean to you? and me? i'd like to have a good think about that. and let the depth of His love and truth seep into the wells of my heart. (psalm 119)
and you know what? His love comes with something really cool too.
passion.
passion for people and purpose. inspiration, motivation whatever you want to call it. its this passion that gets my creativejuices flowing. a passion for life, a passion to live.
if anything, just for that
i already can't thank You enough.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Ain't No Sunshine
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long anytime she goes away.
Wonder this time where she's gone,
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
-Bill Withers, 1971
:)
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long anytime she goes away.
Wonder this time where she's gone,
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
-Bill Withers, 1971
:)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
learning to rest :)
haha. i am already loving how this blog post title sounds. :)
but what a great weekend (the bum week makes it so much sweeter)!
i actually thoroughly enjoyed church earlier. The scripture passage was apt (ephesians) and something that has been on my mind for a while now. and while lou de lorenzo articulated it perhaps differently to how i would interpret it, it was still very relevant. actually...
what struck me more was N's poem to C, read out to the congregation! *awww*
that
was special. :)
actually, today didnt turn out how i thought it would haha. but it always turns out for the best. Your best :) and that's already more that i could ever hope for.
thank You so much
love,
jon :)
but what a great weekend (the bum week makes it so much sweeter)!
i actually thoroughly enjoyed church earlier. The scripture passage was apt (ephesians) and something that has been on my mind for a while now. and while lou de lorenzo articulated it perhaps differently to how i would interpret it, it was still very relevant. actually...
what struck me more was N's poem to C, read out to the congregation! *awww*
that
was special. :)
actually, today didnt turn out how i thought it would haha. but it always turns out for the best. Your best :) and that's already more that i could ever hope for.
thank You so much
love,
jon :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
i realise...
...that in a couple of weeks i'll be muchmore free. haha! although that's also when everyone else gets really busy tho. hmmm. maybe i shall be a cheerleader for everyone else then haha :)
*save the cheerleader, save the world*
lol! don't mind me, i dunno i dunno why that just popped into my head! and...yeah. suddenly... male cheerleader seems kinda... wrong.
haha!
i realise....
that the semester is already fast drawing to a close. I can envision all the work that's (still) left to be done, but the light at the end of the tunnel is apparent too. :) just time to knuckle down and get things done!
CMON IAJL!
above: one of my assignments due this evening.
oh and i overheard T sharing with E yesterday about taking holidays. T introduced that we can sometimes take '10-minute-holidays' from our work, which is muchmore fulfilling and satisfying than 10-minute worrisome procrastination because we purposefully let go for awhile and do something uplifting. Then we can get back into it properly after with more energy/drive having been restfully satisfied with our little holiday :) hmmmm, interesting! i guess yeah the mindset plays such an important part in even perceiving our rest period. procrastination activity vs rest activity ooooh that's a good one to think about!
on another note, i have to confess that last night's sleep was a bit of a letdown. haha. okok secretly i think my designwork is still swimming around my subconscious... i think i was thinking about my design in my sleep all night! at least all the bits that i wokeup between i caught myself thinking about design.
ohno! im becoming an architect! o_O
i realise.
*save the cheerleader, save the world*
lol! don't mind me, i dunno i dunno why that just popped into my head! and...yeah. suddenly... male cheerleader seems kinda... wrong.
haha!
i realise....
that the semester is already fast drawing to a close. I can envision all the work that's (still) left to be done, but the light at the end of the tunnel is apparent too. :) just time to knuckle down and get things done!
CMON IAJL!
above: one of my assignments due this evening.
oh and i overheard T sharing with E yesterday about taking holidays. T introduced that we can sometimes take '10-minute-holidays' from our work, which is muchmore fulfilling and satisfying than 10-minute worrisome procrastination because we purposefully let go for awhile and do something uplifting. Then we can get back into it properly after with more energy/drive having been restfully satisfied with our little holiday :) hmmmm, interesting! i guess yeah the mindset plays such an important part in even perceiving our rest period. procrastination activity vs rest activity ooooh that's a good one to think about!
on another note, i have to confess that last night's sleep was a bit of a letdown. haha. okok secretly i think my designwork is still swimming around my subconscious... i think i was thinking about my design in my sleep all night! at least all the bits that i wokeup between i caught myself thinking about design.
ohno! im becoming an architect! o_O
i realise.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
who's lovin' you?
while i dunno if the simon bit was staged, his voice gives me the heebeejeebeeesss :)
things.
there's a milliongazillion things to do, and so i start with the first one.
start - being the key word here. i am already behind, but by His grace, there will be progress.
thing is, i actually know what's needed. a change of heart, a paradigm shift. ooooo which reminds me i'm due to meet TG. somehow in this blank whitespace on my monitor, i am finding solace.
there is stuff which is weighing heavy on my heart. some call it a burden. i call it stuff. but the remedial action is the same - pray.
:)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12
start - being the key word here. i am already behind, but by His grace, there will be progress.
thing is, i actually know what's needed. a change of heart, a paradigm shift. ooooo which reminds me i'm due to meet TG. somehow in this blank whitespace on my monitor, i am finding solace.
there is stuff which is weighing heavy on my heart. some call it a burden. i call it stuff. but the remedial action is the same - pray.
:)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
ouch
a silly thing happened to me in the night.
when i sleep, i generally start out flat on my back but i tend to curl into a ball under my covers a bit later (esp when it starts to get cold).
but this time, when i was (well, curling into a ball), you know how there's a swingdown motion of the torso as your legs come up right? right. just so happened that this time, i actually hit my head on the corner of my bedside table. and it was a sharp corner too. i thought i was bleeding on my bed haha and just lay there sorta knocked out (i got my left temple lol) HOW CLUMSY CAN YOU BE, IAMJONLEE!?
when i sleep, i generally start out flat on my back but i tend to curl into a ball under my covers a bit later (esp when it starts to get cold).
but this time, when i was (well, curling into a ball), you know how there's a swingdown motion of the torso as your legs come up right? right. just so happened that this time, i actually hit my head on the corner of my bedside table. and it was a sharp corner too. i thought i was bleeding on my bed haha and just lay there sorta knocked out (i got my left temple lol) HOW CLUMSY CAN YOU BE, IAMJONLEE!?
when i was young, my mom used to make me wear a helmet. because my head was too big (and heavy) for my body and i used to lose balance and hit my head on things.
(good to know) some things dont change huh. haha. :)
this is especially silly when i realise that i have a rather large bed (queen). yup. silly huh.
i got owned!
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
hello again!
well whaddaya know.
almost a year to the day, and i'm back here again.
iamjonlee.blogspot.com
hahaha.
it's been awhile, mate. a looooong while.
too long almost, but the others got some attention (at least momentarily)
but here i find myself, able to type without looking (finally) and without making too many mistakes, still trying to figure life out in the same withbatedbreath manner that oftentime leaves me breathless in the end.
haha what was with that sentence.
meanwhile, my dear blog, life's been a'happening. ;) in a good way, too. and i have much to share.
God has been good. very very good. as He is good both now and forever. :)
challenges anew everyday!
there's something about writing. it just, does good to me. it does really. and its not just about like being able to pen down my thoughts and re-read what i write and gasp at what an emokid i am. no. it just, releases me. in many ways. helps me get over things. helps me remember things. helps me through (forget) things. haha. and maybe it's for all to see. maybe it's not.
i confess i am cautious with words. with people. but being a cautious person certainly doesnt justify being nothonest with what i write. you see, too often i'd rather let you not know about it in a subtle cryptic-ish manner than to have you find out and think whateveryouwouldthink about me. and i also know the power of how words can affect people.
but tell you what. here, i will tell it as it is.
only if it brings life.
:)
i'll try k?
good to be back
cheerio!
almost a year to the day, and i'm back here again.
iamjonlee.blogspot.com
hahaha.
it's been awhile, mate. a looooong while.
too long almost, but the others got some attention (at least momentarily)
but here i find myself, able to type without looking (finally) and without making too many mistakes, still trying to figure life out in the same withbatedbreath manner that oftentime leaves me breathless in the end.
haha what was with that sentence.
meanwhile, my dear blog, life's been a'happening. ;) in a good way, too. and i have much to share.
God has been good. very very good. as He is good both now and forever. :)
challenges anew everyday!
there's something about writing. it just, does good to me. it does really. and its not just about like being able to pen down my thoughts and re-read what i write and gasp at what an emokid i am. no. it just, releases me. in many ways. helps me get over things. helps me remember things. helps me through (forget) things. haha. and maybe it's for all to see. maybe it's not.
i confess i am cautious with words. with people. but being a cautious person certainly doesnt justify being nothonest with what i write. you see, too often i'd rather let you not know about it in a subtle cryptic-ish manner than to have you find out and think whateveryouwouldthink about me. and i also know the power of how words can affect people.
but tell you what. here, i will tell it as it is.
only if it brings life.
:)
i'll try k?
good to be back
cheerio!
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