i guess

you aint quite sure

what im gonna do


all i know is

i believe

look over there

in the midst of the storm

there is hope

the smell of rain

the howling wind

the flash that cuts the sky in two

still, i'll go

because i sense a new season coming

soon, and very soon


Living Rain

wash my heart again

im gonna

keep pressing on

in faith.

Walking, stumbling
On these shadow feet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began

And I have sensed it all along
Now fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction
Buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through

I'll be found in you

in between

at the end of the day

i realise,

that i am no different.

as much as i want to be.



It's been a really peculiar time, these past few (many) days. Strangely, as uncomfortable as things seem there's also a sense of sobering actuality. i can't say it's bad, or good, for that matter. all i know is that it's certainly humbling and remarkably unlike anything i've experienced for a very long time. still, over the years i'd thought i'd get it figured out. such that things wouldn't be like that anymore.

and, as the years have come and gone, i can't actually say that there has been a real, tangible experience in deciphering and understanding. instead, i seem to always find myself (lost) in a swirl of familiar yet unsettling situations. always feeling raw, shaken, and left (worse than) the way things were.

am i making progress? that's where it's at anyway. and again, in a weird weird way...

...i am?

i think deep down, i'd subconsciously decided that rather than being like that (ever again) i'd just let it slide. let mr rational and mr idealistic do the thinking, and the doing (meaning nothing). and all this.. ...just doesn't solve anything at all. instead, all it has served to do is to make me more and more distant. unengaging. numb.

cold.

it's a strange thing the way Jesus works, in how He changes us - from the inside out, to open our eyes to see what it really means to (die and) live.

And though the world won't wait for me to deliver the textbook, model solution for and in every situation and circumstance thrown my way, i really shouldn't mind any more.

Because if i have not love, it wouldn't really mean anything, anyway.


so even when everything i think can go wrong does go wrong, and everything comes crashing down. would i still stand? would i still hope? would i still love?

the funniest thing about this (and i realise just how gloomy this all sounds especially if you read it with my whole black and dark gloomy kinda font/theme) is that through all this trial and confusion i'm actually being changed. that when things don't happen the way i hope they do or when i concede that i am lost, weary and defeated - something is at work, still. and this isn't just being positive and wearing a smile that masks the pain. if anything, the pain has to be there. i'm starting to understand that. it's not natural to like pain, of course, but understanding it as you go through it is something different entirely.

Suffering reminds us how we are human, less we forget.

but it also speaks of why we are in need of a Saviour.

so before i become carried away with plans of being all angel-like, at least i should be reminded of my humanity first. I'm not an angel, nor am I an animal. I am a man. God's creation, bearing His likeness and image. and, being fallen but restored through faith in Christ's sacrifice, and sharing in an inheritence that is eternal, I now continue to live a life poured out as a living sacrifice.

just being honest with myself.

that's what (Y)you've been teaching me all along.