SOTONG KIA.

there was a boy.

who didnt know. just what its like, to be out there.

you know, generally i like to talk about life. i also love to read about life. about the lives of others. i marvel at how people kinda list the things they did throughout the day - but yet still make it remarkably interesting - almost exciting to read about and dream about. or maybe to just make you take note and an interest in.

lately ive been finding it rather difficult to put anything down in words. like this blog entry, for example. its not there isnt anything to write about. more so, it seems like everyday i have agazziliontrillion thoughts that whizz through my head - too much - maybe my fingers lack the dexterity to keep up. i realise i also type real slow. (i love watching others who type real quick, its almost entertaining! like wen, WAH so fast! ) that's an excuse, really. some things i cant bring myself to let out. my sense of privacy (that i strongly deny) getting the better (of me).

in part, it's this. maybe when someone is already so public with most of his life - there are the little bits of privacy that he clings onto. like if everything's out in the open, then there's nothing mysterious already. hahahaha. no la i really don't think like that. in the end, my main point is not about retaining any sense of secrecy or mystery about myself. (though ive once been told that girls esp those who a lil sense of mystery in their taste in men hahahahaha mysterious = cool mah! badboyimage )

rather, ive grown to realise over the years that there is another thing about not knowing everything, in that it ties in with some of the marvelous plans of tremendous blessing. God's ways, in some sense, i really marvel at. because there is a great deal of diving into the unknown. to abandon almost all sense of rationality and dwelve into whats often a greatbig questionmark. in the little glimpses and revelations of aGreatsecretPlan unfolding, we, by His grace, end up blessed beyong measure when we suddenly come to realise just a little bit what God's heart is like, in what He has planned for us.

So maybe there are only two things that can be certain. 1) the certainty of uncertainty 2) The certainty of God's presence and His unfailing love. the concept of trusting only in faith. in a love that outshines and eclipses all other forms and sources of insecurity that also comes with uncertainty. In some sense, maybe if our futures were certain; if i knew for sure where i'd be exactly in 10 years. 20 years, i'd be much less insecure (than i am now). but we never really know for sure, do we?

the uncertainties of the future ARE scary. (because its not certain?) but still, i am challenged to abandon even my own perceptions and reasoning when it comes to my future - and to trust in His ways. simply because i TRUST that God knows, better!

i'd rather people not know about certain things. most things can. but certain things not that cannot, but its better not to. the most (maybe) frustrating thing in being so much enigmatic is because of. well, is because its not that you DONT want to tell, but by telling you kinda spoil the secret? haha. In that sense, i do look forward to finally finding out, when i am with Him in paradise, what God intended in His purposes behind His greatsecretplan. maybe in that light, some secrets are kept not in the luxury or purpose of maintaining your own privacy - but rather for the greatergood and blessing of others - partofa plan in your heart, in love, to bless another. and that being the goal - above all other things. because really, im not sure if love is giving in always, and having all the answers. but come a specific time, when its ripe/right, the person comes to find out truth behind the secret - and most times, by himself/herself. then the truth (and the secret) will be all the more so much more meaningful, and speak powerfully into the person's life in tremendous blessing. and sometimes, isn't that how God is with us?

that being said, there is one thing i will make fairly obvious that i CANNOT keep a secret. and that is that Jesus loves us so. :) that is, by no means (worldlyphysicalorspiritualorinanysense) a secret. because He has even written it in the very fabric of reality. a truth that i cannot keep in because everyone needs to know.

i like secrets. haha.

to most, i'd simply be grateful if you viewed me as blur. like sotong. :)

TOAB times.

i refuse to think im old.


but this really says it all.

Gone are the days of classskipping, sleepinginuntildinner, gamingtillthesunrises, sgkopitiam&kingofkings, and neverendingholiday.

but more than that, gone is me who once was lost but now am found.

You have given me life anew. I don't know when it was, that You came in. but boy you've changed things since :) and i can only pray that You do the same for my boys too.

not how long, but how much. You've always been there. always.

all honour to Your Majesty. Forever.

Cikgu Chong.

Here's a shoutout to ALOI kun, who i had dinner with yesterday. good dinner and dessert, but more than that a great time of sharing and good conversation! haha. good on ya aloi. really helped in talking me through some things. (or rather, listened as i kinda talked myself through) but really really thanksman haha. Hopefully i won't GG myself.

LOL.

still, how coincidental.

difficulty understanding.

i think, i'm finally beginning to understand a bit more about blogs.

unfortunately, this one is going to be absolutely random. because im in that state of mind right about now.

ohw did a good job last night with the roast chicken. quite impressive really, stuffing and all. haha. next time should really be my turn to do something. there is alot of satisfaction in it, a time to shift the gearstick into automatic and just DO, with a hopefullyokendproduct. in case no one knows, im talking about cooking :) -random- i have a craving now for some dessert house. goodness im really thinking they put an extra something in the food, keeps you addicted or something. not that the food is that great lor, just that yeah. somethingsomething. spicy chicken on rice. with extra fried egg. yummers.

again, i am noticing something about myself which is starkly apparent, and perhaps remarkably similar to what ohw has found out about himself as well. its funny really how God works and how He reveals things.

but sometimes i cant be still i just cant. because i cant hold it in. i gotta let them know. gotta. but yet, i know that You will prepare the fields. so i'll wait on you. but i pray that i'll know when, and when when comes i'll be ready for when when is.

Its funny how sometimes we think that God doesn't know. but at times the struggle is what brings us closer to Him. again, the emphasis of process and not the end product. the heart and not the works. the doing and not the dwelling. the love and not the suffering. the joy and not the pain.

of course, there will be both former and latter, but again: emphasis.

again i say, much more important is the heart in seeking and in faith, rather than the breadth of knowledge. heart knowledge and not head knowledge. how do the sheep know the shepard's voice? keep it simple. seeking Your face and not just Your hand.

foundations are so important. ive just seen a great example of strength+beauty. Ohgosh i am really beginning to understand. i will keep petitioning i think, because there is a great something in the works. and You listen, and you know, because You are also there. incredible. just incredible. i am absolutely floored.

I sometimes think it was by chance. but i know that in Your plans, our so called idea of chance = Yoursecretplan unfolding. by chance this, by luck that. but sometimes somethings just seem too way too coincidental. and how can the timing be so perfect. I pray that i will continue to listen (always) but at the same time, i know what wasn't by chance. it wasnt by chance that You died. and i praise You that it wasnt by chance. but by love.

issues.

we are ransomed by your grace.

Yesterday.

Yesterdayyyyy.. (allmytroublesseemedsofarawaaaaay)

no im not bursting into song. but yesterday was a whirlwind of a day. God has been good. There's no real way to imagine the extent of what He's done across the past month, but what happened yesterday was a glimpse of the culmination of alot of prayer and hope in His promises, for Him to move in the lives of many.

Easter camp '07 has really stood out for me (in my history of easter camps). It has been one of the camps where I have really seen lives impacted for Christ. much more so than that of other camps (not that it didnt happen in other camps) but the followup on the dg has been very exciting/tiring. yesterday lucy, mel and i brought the bunch of dgers (lambs) to planetshakers. and guess what, ray tham got saved! :D

just 4 months into this year, already 4 friends i know of have been saved! thats an average of 1 a month now for this year. i can only be in awe of what God is doing. just outright, flatout in AWE. Praise be to God in the highest!!

after only (maybe) 2 or 3 hours of terrible sleep last night, i just struggling to get through today in the office. there's plenty to do, but somehow, so far, im not feeling tired. i did pray for Him to give me strength to get through the day (and the long night ahead :P ) as i was tossing and turning last night so i thank Him as He's answering my prayer even right now :) GG is coming tonight, my house isnt clean yet but i think thats not going to matter. should be a great night out just ketchupping :)

anyway its back to work for me. cheers all! :D

THIS SKIN IS JUST TOO FUNNY

hahaha. i'm back! after an absence of just about a couple of years, i think i'm back on the scene.

house has had an overhaul. blahblahblah. here's one of the consequential aftereffects! blog gets overhaul too!

:)

more to come!