remember.

i have a feeling this is going to be a long post. i have the randomly blurtoutstuff feeling coming over me.

for all the times ive failed and not tried hard enough. i'm sorry.


i suppose im just beginning to understand myself a little bit better. you know how when who you think you are to other people, and what they actually think of you is different? haha. you know most times guys don't really care or think its possible (male ego) but it is. ok i wont be nasty and call it 'male' ego because it happens, for everyone. sometimes.

id like to know more. understand better. grow closer. teach me, please. just what it means to be faithful.

i cant understand it and i cant put a finger on it. some may think im delusional. some reckon its passion. but passion about what? i suppose one thing id ask is in this socalledpassion - is there any sense of joy? a sense of hope? or do i sense hypocrisy. or 'duty'. because we're supposed to.
You see through it all. please help me claim my heart for You.

on another note, ive also been highly impulsive, irritable, and probably alot more highly strung than usual. im not really one for mood swings, but id call this one a mood swing. haha. a pinch of rebellion in the mix of sillystuff.

some call it emo. hahahaha.
im sorry. but i am, on the odd occasion.

that, coupled with the very potent getting too far ahead of myself syndrome. i have all these silly thoughts and my imagination works double triple time in enticing my heart into things that i think would be excellent if i had in my life. covet covet covet. thats all i ever do.

working on it. along with pride, self-centredness, self-righteousness, idolatry, etc and everything else in between. its funny that to a certain extent - there is some kind of self-hatred, ok i wont call it hatred because thats too strong a word. but like disappointment and discontent and um. maybe yeah theres actually stuff about me that i dislike(or even hate)? i wonder if a healthy dosage of this actually contributes to identifying the sinful nature and dealing with it. like i said before, when i feel convicted - i really do feel like a convict. like i should be thrown in jail and punished etc. but again i say a 'healthy dosage'. i hate the sin that is in me. but i treasure every sinew of life and goodness that Jesus has breathed into this hopeless shell.

you know when theres stuff to lay down. at the foot of the cross. you could lay down hopes, dreams, desires. even good things. anything that would come between.

please help me find my heart.

i dont know where it is right now. i dont feel it much these days. but id like to lay that down. because i lose it sometimes.

but i know You wont.

Thank You.

mmmmmm thats what im talkin about!

me, dad, mom and a cheekylilboy (my youngest cousin!)

caught!

it's good to be back. even if just for a little while. :)

much has changed. yet not really.

family, family, family.

what will i do without family.

close friends, it's always great to catchup. hearing how our stories have unfolded, and will unfold.

i feel really fortunate.

i feel really blessed!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

iam

made new.

suddenly

I'd like everyone to know.

This morning, i woke up.

yeah.

i woke up!

:)

(everyone must be whattheee. hahaha. but you don't get it. you see, i woke up! haha. but He gets it ;) )

toys r us kid

Actually, the more i think about it, I think i'm still sucha kid.
nonsense with the whole 'mature thinking' and 'career advancement'.

one thing i've realised though, is that miraculously (with some of His help), i can get along with kids and adults or mature kids and kiddy-adults... of all ages.

Someone else pointed that out... i never really realised that. but then again, i don't notice many things. but the moment i say 'oh i can adapt to anyone' i bet you the really difficult characters will start to appear. i betcha. hahahahaha. (never own yourself with sweeping statements)

someone else (again) was talking about marraige. G O O D gollymissmolly! marraige? nandayo. i'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off. although my peers will prob get there very soon, one by one. i'd like to attend a few weddings (hint). The last time i went for one i was no taller than the big long classroom ruler.

it's funny how everyone in class once voted i'd be the first guy to get married.

Then again, i'm not mister i-cant-commit like george clooney. remember? i adapt.

HAHA! i'm so gonna own myself now.

houston, we have liftoff

So many things to do.. so little time. But that always seems to be the case eh? :)

I always seem to be caught nowadays with i wannadothis i wannadothat and then i have to prioritise because there just aren't enough hours in a day to do allofthis andthat. I've never been a bigfan of to do lists but anyone who has seen my dailycalendar planner (one for home, one for work) knows that I have big to-do's and deadlines and events and exciting things circled at least a couple weeks ahead. It feels good to know what's ahead. but then again.

Goodness, 18 months ago, I (believe i) was still just going through each day a day at a time, not knowing what was going on or was going to happen a couple hours later, let alone the next day. I never knew what to expect. What was around the corner. What job I would have. What future I would have. What would happen if I didn’t pass my exams(!). What dinner I would have (that night) (kok? I used to like kok. A lot.). Super flexible, super unplanned, super spontaneous.

Super exciting.

Just the way i like it.

Sometimes I miss living like that. Suo wei, ‘let tmr worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of it’s own’, and really leaving the future to Him, in trust that He will provide. And He has! Indeed how faithful is our God.

Hmmm. Just before everyone throws their hands in the air (along with everything they were doing), point to ponder; ‘God’s sovereignty, Man’s responsibility’. I mean there are OBVIOUS things. Like being very obviously lazy w/o any sense of self control. And expecting things to turn out good. Like if you don’t show up for your 70% final presentation and then expect to pass. Like what the. Hahaha. But then again, I’m not saying that’s not possible (because with God, everything’s possible) but how does that grow us? How does that make us more like Christ? What kind of lesson will we learn from it (apart from failing, and the consequences that follow which then drive us to learn from our mistakes, so that we won’t be lazy next time!)

But then you also can’t just be lazy and not plan ahead as well. We do plan, strategise, and make the necessary preparations (best we can). In order to do this though, in order to have balance, and knowing what is wasteoftime and what is veryproductive, you often need to have a long term goal / purpose in place. So I had a good (although quick) think of what these could be!

Longest term (Lifetime) Goal / Purpose:
To be shaped and moulded by Him by seeking and walking closely with Him, to become more like His Son. (continuous, both active and passive)

Long term (manymany years) Goal / Purpose:
To learn what it means to:
1) Be a man after God’s own heart
2) Be as a weaned child
3) Have faith the size of a mustard seed
4) Be as broken bread and poured out wine
5) Be dead to sin, and alive in Christ

There are more, but then I realised that the 5 long term ones are just a bit of a detailed breakdown of the longest term one. Hahaha! Still, just by themselves, none of the 5 are easy at all. The surrender involved is unbelievable / unthinkable because when we surrender we are called to surrender all aren’t we? Although it’ll be bit by bit, I wonder when we can say ‘here I am, totally surrendered to You’.

Getting there, getting there.

Still, there are plenty of things that I would like to do. Don’t be surprised that most of these are general hobbies/interests/self-improvement. The older you get the harder it is to accommodate more short term goals / commitments!

1) become more grounded in the Word.

There’s no substitute. No substitute at all for living, breathing Word. It’s what sparked the conviction in my heart. It’s what spoke life into my soul. There’s no substitute. LE calls it ‘the map’. Quite fitting, since it is the lamp to my feet and light to my path. To hide it in my heart, to turn to the absolute Truth in times of destitution, to rejoice in thanksgiving just as the Psalmists did, there’s nothing like it. That’s why it’s the living Word. And, to learn to wield it as a double-edged sword.

2) pray more for the people.

This ties in with another short term goal below. To open up and expand the reach and breadth of speaking the name of Jesus into the lives of others, rather than praying prayers focused on self. Learning to shift the focus of prayer, and becoming Kingdom-focused rather than self-focused. I realise that the effects of a healthy prayer life reach far beyond just that half-hour or 2 mins that you were praying. It really changes even the way you interact and view people you meet everyday. Seeing the things of God, in people, and not what the world has shaped them to be. But the goodness in each of their hearts.

3) get good at basketball.

I got invited to play in a league game last night and it was exhilarating. I mean I was really nervous. Like reallyreally nervous. 1st game jitters (we played the top team in the league that night). I came off the bench and played sparingly here and there. I didn’t score (took one shot) and looked to pass, rebound and play lockdown D. No dunks in the game though there were dudes who could (only post-game, for fun) but we put in a good effort although we lost 30-40.

Crap, I wanna run like leandro barbosa and have hops like jordan farmar SO BAD. Time to train like mad. And I mean, crazymad. Like, riphamilton-mad.
Not Dwight Howard mad, because that one too crazy already. But benjibonji can go for that. J haha. Halfway there already anyway right ben? (as ben flexes his guns)

I realise though, that the only way for me to compete (and be effective) is to be as quick as a mouse (leandro) and not have biceps of steel, but rather, lungs of steel. Yes, not biceps. Or even quads. lungs. If you can outrun everyone, and be as quick as you are at end after playing the whole game as you were when the game started, you’ll be a nightmare to guard. And no one will want to (or can) guard you. Hehehe. Lotsa running to do, lotsa running. Sure, strong biceps and quads help too. So why not. Which leads me to…

4) get in shape.

Now when I mean ‘in shape’ I don’t mean like rain kinda ripped (stesh! haha) but in shape to me means that I am able to do what set out to do above in 3). Crap…That’s… actually kinda HARDER than getting to look like rain. But I figure that by the time I get to be able to do what I want to do in 3), then… yeah. Haha!

5) buy a gazillion things.

I shall just generalise all the things I want to get (which is an exhaustive list) into the word ‘gazillion’. BUT. I shall (redeem myself) and reason that most of these items are stepping stones that will allow me to pursue other interests! Hehehehehehe. All I can say is, I hope that I’ll be able to manage my money wisely. Sure we want a lot of things. But we really don’t need all of these things. Just because something’s a teeny bit better over something you’ve got (but they do the same thing pretty much) doesn’t justify buying it. Haha. (although most of the time, it's really is a question of getting something better(or not getting it) with me. like furniture. how can you not like furniture!?) There are 3 main items that I’m quite set on buying. It just depends how much I spend on each and how topoftherange or entrylevel I go with each. I’ve already given away what one of the items are on one of my previous blog entries (sortof). The other two… lets just say all of them need heckuvalota PRACTICE. and time, for that matter. Which, interestingly and coincidentally enough, brings us back to the first line of this blog entry.

So many things to do.. so little time. But that always seems to be the case eh? :)

Be good all!

Hosea 1:2

but through words unsaid, therein lies the truth.


Can you imagine what Hosea must have felt when God asked him to propose to a prostitute? The Lord instructed him to marry Gomer, a harlot, in order to illustrate the spiritual adultery Israel had commited against God. The Hebrews had been unfaithful to God and pursued other gods, just as a harlot joins herself to several men. What a request!

Leadership is about sacrifice. It means giving up personal options in order to guide to people to where they need to go. Hosea made several sacrifices in his leadership:

1. He was asked to marry a prostitute.
2. He was asked to lead in a time of rebellion.
3. He was given a very unpopular message.
4. He was told to have children despite an absentee wife.
5. He was committed to remain poised under harsh demands.
6. He was instructed to live faithfully and consistently in a volatile situation.

Leaders lose their right to selfishness. They must take into account the lives of others when making decisions. They must say what the people need to hear, not nearly what they want to hear. They must guide the people to where they ought to go, not necessarily where they desire to go. Could this explain why we have so few good leaders?

- John Maxwell


Hosea 2:19-20

"I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In lovingkindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the Lord."



Psalm 94:12-13

Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O Lord,
And teach out of Your law,
That You may give him rest from the days of adversity,
Until the pit is dug for the wicked.



Psalm 103:15-18

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the Lord
is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His
commandments to do them.


Your Word never fails

GIGANTIC liliput.

The start of something big.

big, bigger, biggest!

it's one thing to miss the small things, which we shouldn't.
but with our attention to the little 'uns,
we shouldn't miss the big things, either.

I've got beegees in my head.

beeg -ees .. big ee... okokok haha

i really do though.

"how can you mend this broken heaaart.." WHAT THE SO SAPPY

but some meaningful lyrics.

I can think of younger days when living for my life,
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow,
but I was never told about the sorrow.

Please help me mend my broken heart
and let me live again.

Secret Wishlist.

I wonder what two-and-a-half-grand can get you (this Christmas)?

Apple imac - 24" edition dualcore 2.4ghz

mmmmmm.. tasty. it's the 24" and leopard OS that gets me.

Apple macbook - black version.

Crap, the matte black looks sooooo cool.

Or, if i go the PC route, i could get (close-to) the most kickass CPU on the market. With techspecs twice as powerful as any reddelicious above. feel the power...

Or...

What the!?

Yeah, i know. I could own a mercedes benz for under two-grand.

sadly, this is the cheapest of the lot.

eighteen-hundred from carsales.com.au.

I know what i'd be getting this Christmas.

A new pair of socks. (from Mom)

disclaimer* : Yes, i've never been the greatest mac supporter. that's because while macs are cool, they are always been inferior hardware wise to the mighty-pc. and i've always been a hardware man (techie). But with the new leopard OS, 24" imac, and matteblack macbook, macs have made it sooooo cool that cool > power. so there you go. just so you know. there's still no comparison power-wise though. hehehe.

ADHD

yes, i had a kokoblack icechocolate for dinner today. 'dinner'!

hahaha. gosh, what has become of me. meanwhile i'm still thinking about next year. i think it's gonna be mightycool in southbank.. can hardly wait. Lucy's assembling some kinda SBG (southbankgang). He can chair it if he wants.. i'll be the coffeemaker! (although i don't drink coffee)

I realise i don't actually mean what i say sometimes. Or rather, maybe i do. sorta? but it's not quite the words i had intended to say all along. So technically i mean something , but it comes out different (and not to the point). Duncan gives me a hard time about this, about all my 'maybe' and 'probably'. i suppose these things don't cut a good answer when you're looking for definitive.

meanwhile, there are a lot of things to look forward to. and also alot of pressing issues, lil bits and pieces to sort.

I had a long chat with DRT today. something like 5 hours. we got chased out of kokoblack. (1st time!) they actually asked if we would like to ask for the bill. so discreet! hahahahaha. oh btw kokoblack has two toilets not one! one is not labelled that's all. ok that's quite random. i guessed i was mildly surprised with the conversation (topics). before i know it, the evening's gone and i've missed ray's farewell. but i'll msg him.

too much for one day.
goodnight.

Dear You

you can always tell when something's on my mind. or if i'm deep in thought. of if i'm not feeling too good, or feeling very good. my face and my eyes say it all. i can't help it. but most times i'm as easy to read as the goodold Peter and Jane storybooks.

but not many can tell what exactly i'm thinking. or guess the trouble/fireworks brewing beneath the surface. hahaha. i think i'm like some kinda bak kut teh. can look savoury or terrible. can look different with all sorts of styles. (singpore whitepeppery or msia black and herbal) but you never know until you taste. (also, because its boiling, usually peppery, and got lotsa porkfats) hey that sounds like me.

ok bkt is a bad analogy. oh, btw, i like how John Bevere teaches in 'parables' too. ok that was so random.

but still.



i long for no one but You.
indeed one day in your courts is better

than a thousand elsewhere.


who can compare?
You are my all.
my one desire.
The One who saves
and does a good work in me.

let me search
and find that there is only You.

In You I place my trust. my hope.
my love.

Hosannah

I'm in Love.

There's something about Your Word.. that speaks to my heart.


Psalm 131

My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.



1 John 4:7-11

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.



Matthew 22:37-40

Jesus replied:

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

This is the first and greatest commandment.

And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."



1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

不 能 说 的 秘 密

冷 咖 啡 离 开 了 杯 垫
我 忍 住 的 情 绪 在 很 後 面
拼 命 想 挽 回 的 从 前
在 我 脸 上 依 旧 清 晰 可 见
最 美 的 不 是 下 雨 天
是 曾 与 你 躲 过 雨 的 屋 檐

回 忆 的 画 面
在 荡 着 秋 千
梦 开 始 不 甜
你 说 把 爱 渐 渐
放 下 会 走 更 远
又 何 必 去 改 变
已 错 过 的 时 间
你 用 你 的 指 尖
阻 止 我 说 再 见
想 像 你 在 身 边
在 完 全 失 去 之 前

你 说 把 爱 渐 渐
放 下 会 走 更 远
或 许 命 运 的 签
只 让 我 们 遇 见
只 让 我 们 相 恋
这 一 季 的 秋 天
飘 落 後 才 发 现
这 幸 福 的 碎 片
要 我 怎 麽 捡

You are.

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus
Lamb of God
Worthy is Your Name
Jesus
Lamb of God
Worthy is Your Name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your Name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus
Lamb of God
Worthy is Your Name
Jesus
Lamb of God
Worthy is Your Name

Forever and Amen

brandi carlile

when time slows down.

This isn't a sprint event. it's an endurance race.
It ain't how you start. but how you finish.

sometimes each step gets heavier than the last. but time and again, when you lift up your head,
and look towards the finish line
you get into stride again
and something in you gives your legs strength
to keep going
forward
and may we run this race
in a manner that we yearn for the prize
help each other along the way
pick up the runners that fall alongside you
that we may all run this race
and finish
together

This isn't a sprint event. it's an endurance race.
It ain't how you start. but how you finish.

brandi carlile

brandi was really good. :) haha. i've also gotta admit she looks alot better in real life. :P i really enjoyed her performance! she's got some special voice. hahaha. okok i got to stand within a foot of her too (as a cameraman)

coming again in april. maybe then :)

The Story

woke up this morning to the glorious rays of golden morningsunshine piercing through my bedroom window.

and the sound of brandi carlile's voice inside my head! what the!

crap, i'm absolutely won over now. haha. yes, og, i eat my words on the mic proximity. her voice is excellent!

"technically wrong, but emotionally right" is how she describes it, in an interview with some reporter. there's no better description really.

but maybe that's precisely why it's so crazygood to listen to - i think you gotta be emotionally 'right' to be in tune with her music also. haha.

not for everyone initally, but give it some time and it really grows on you. :)

nov 12 was it!? yeahhhhhhh

meanwhile i've also got this massive headache that almost floored me when i first stood up getting out of bed. popping panadols at work now to get me through the day.

Psalm 103. Praise for the Lord's Mercies

A Psalm of David.


Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever,
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children
So the Lord pities those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
To such as keep His convenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
Bless the Lord, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!




Nothing captures it better..

i'm actually blur, like sotong.

there's something about being close, and in tune with the Spirit, that makes it seem like.. yeah, really all things are possible! like there's something (One) bigger than life's complications. it is a calming sense of overwhelming peace, with a dash of inexpressible joy and hope. of a love that's always true. that never fails.

sometimes i do pray for more faith. to be more hungry for the Word. to have my eyes (not bags) see not as the world sees, but from God's perspective. an eternal perspective.

but, oftentime, we can't see past the next test. the next meeting. the next argument. etc.

the redeeming power of Jesus becomes so real when you come, just as you are. I tend to forget how close He really is. at times i go 'where are You?', and think He's really far away. But right then, He really is just close by. But my heart is at the time so far from Him, that i cannot see. my mind however, does remind me 'on autopilot' about what He has said in His Word. so even when i cannot see, or hear, i try to remember what He has said, and act accordingly. try.

but i fall short, more often than not. i'm inclined to think that when all You have is the Law, and not faith (in Christ Jesus), then invariably you fall short. when we live and act not according to the Spirit, but to the sinful nature.

Romans 3:21-23, Romans 8.

But a life in Christ, is so different! He's more than everything. greater than my desires. knows my every thought. knows my inequities, my unlawfullness and my insecurities. knows the deepestdarkest that i try to hide. and you can tell Him. how unworthy you are. and yet, He opens His arms, and says:

'Come.'

Come! what a response! is there no greater affirmation or acceptance of me. what of the terriblethings, the sillythoughts and things i maybe didn't do. i have been a man deserving nothing. am a man deserving nothing. let alone forgiveness. let alone a crown of Glory! let alone a promise and a hope, of a loving God who will neither leave me nor forsake me. and somehow, deep down. you just know. you know that's what you've always longed and hoped for.

talk about amazing grace.

all of a sudden, i'm remembering a sermon about curry. okok not about curry, but about substitutes. and in the love of Christ, indeed there are no substitutes that come close to comparision!

i sometimes think i care too much. people used to say i care too little.

no, i'm actually just blur. like sotong. the only difference is the love of Christ that changed this heart.

edit: i sorta wondered how many times Jesus asked people (or someone) to 'come'. So just from the Gospels.. (via biblegatewaysearch :P ) i think approx 40+ times?

John 6:35, 37 :)

35 Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.

37 All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.

Amen!

blogger

i find it very nice (and secretly encouraging :) ) to bloghop through the blogs of dearcellmembers! :)

eversoslightlyaltered.wordpress.com - k
empoweredfromabove.wordpress.com -benjamin yue
amesmeiyee1988.blogspot.com - amy
joel-lee.blogspot.com - drummerboy

i wonder if anyone else in our cell has a blog. i wanna read (during lunch)! hurr.

NANDAYO

got some big questionmarks ahead.

but you know what? i'm really not thinking them right now. Exciting times they will be. yet so much still unknown. haha.


meanwhile, everyone's in study mode now. so most people have gone MIA. cept' other workforcers like KVH. pahteepeepel. hahahahaha! i just got my new copy of 2k8 thanks to ojm. so i've been enjoying that ever since. and been back on to the heroes addiction.. hehe.

it'd be nice to move. have a change of scenery. most would know that i like a slight shift of furniture here and there now and then :) just to keep things fresh. still 809 is where i've been for the past season (pun intended), and it's been awesome. with plentymemories. different people. all the seasonal housemates. yeah. hahahaha. time to spring (pun intended) into the next season(!) ! and, as my to-be housemate has already announced to the whole world, yes, i am moving in next year with Lucy. does anyone rem the 50's comedy in b&w called 'i love lucy' or something? hahahahaha. just popped in my head.

the SQ maiden flight of the A380 was today. the first class passenger (some british dude) reportedly paid over $100K (went to charity in an auction) for the first seat (or rather, suite) of the new SQ first class. the tagline goes something like ' the new first class - a class above (first class)' or something like that. its craaaaaazy. more like hotel room 1A than seat 1A.

someone sponsor me to ride business class just once? please?

:)

you know what.

boys are stupid. throw rocks at them.

Itono. The man :)

Too close for comfort

Mbyb!

i will

i will shout
and no one will hear
i will break
and no one will see
i will fall down
and no one will care


i will be trod upon
and no one will notice.

yet

i will hope
and You will guide me
i will bow down
and You will restore me
i will love
and You will assure me

I will
give up my will
so that

Your Will

be done.

nc

behold.

You give me a hope and future.

thank You.

love,

jon

go

sorta mystified. i'm going to quit. and im going to take up.

thanks, D.


why, how come. i don't know. i may never know. should i know. i don't know. this is actually kinda screwed up. all this over what? go, just go. don't mind me. i'm just digging a hole in the ground. but forget burial. there's much more to be done.


as i refuse i accept
as i seek i receive
as i call

He answers.

away

i'm highly volatile just about now

dont talk to me

but forgive me

dont do anything

just be yourself

there are far more important things

keep looking ahead

keep looking to Him

dont trust me



i dont even trust myself




"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"


Peter answered, "The Christ of God."

my office

in case you're wondering.

my site office IS in a container.

yeah.

the one's you see on construction sites :)

DR, iajl :)

terrible.

have you ever heard the saying that goes: it's good to work because it takes your mind of things? haha. it does i suppose. that is. not unless you're working alone for extended periods and plodding along at your own pace. haha. then the bigbadprocrastinatingmonster takes over. or maybe the postlunchsnooze-monster. whichever, i think there's alot more to it than just being able to concentratefully every moment you're at work. especially when there are lotsa distractions. 'i can't wait for my new monitor to arrive' 'oh meeting soandso later where to eat?' and 'tonight i'm so gonna get owned at gym', just to name a few.

today, and yesterday. i've been utterly distracted.

not good, not good. i know.
excuse: i can't help it.
remedial action: keep praying.

:)

and so i am.

just one.

how do i keep myself from giving in

only by His love

only by His strength

He who watches over

my coming and going

both now and forevermore.


only You know.

all the hidden posts.

the funny thing is.

i sometimes write an angsty blog post to vent some kinda frustration. i don't think i'm a complain-king, but perhaps some kind of worry-wart. whichever, i'm often thinking toomuch for my own good. haha. interestingly enough, however, i'm never able to actually publish such posts after i write them, because after i read (and re-read. and re-read) such posts i always feel that they're unsuitable to be posted for alltosee. so i scrap them.

not that i'm afraid that anyone will go '!! actually iajl is so emo' or anything like that. nor is it hesitation to show some form of vulnerability, although that's sometimes good. mayhap, it's more like - is there a point in it? it certainly doesn't make me feel better. but i don't even think feeling better is the point. the problem lies much deeper than that and self-consolation hardly scratches the surface. it's more than an interesting read. it's immensely private heartstuff.

hahaha. one thing which is good about it though, is that in reading and re-reading what you've written, you sometime's understand and get to know yourself just a little bit better. such that when you go nuts and write a realemo/angry post while you're still seething at the teeth, then you walk away for awhile have a cuppa and sit down for 10mins, and then come back and read what you've written - you sometimes stare blankly at the screen and go 'wah is that really me?' sometimes?

the balance between 'who i am' and 'who i want to be'. I hope and pray that these tie in with 'who He wants me to be'.

I sometimes wonder that in 'shining the light' are you constantly aware of the people around you? the people who are watching? i'm not sure, really. leading a life that exemplifies. we try hard, and at times we fall short. but we find mercy and solace in His grace.

not by our strength, but by His grace.


on another note, i've been daydreaming lots. or maybe just dreaming lots. haha. in the pursuit of 'morality/(self)righteousness' sometimes i think i've forgotten how to dream. or feel. i don't deny that i deny myself plenty. but in my denial i dont deny not denying other things that should be denied. <-- *trying to soundsmart* still, it is in my subconscious that rationality does not get the better of me, thus the random dreams and thoughts and stuff. but it is also there that i truely feel? it's weird. maybe that should be applied (in controlled doses) to the conscious mind too. naniyate?

still, i'm just a little bit random? now and then. :)

okay?

CEDAR CLADDING

and so..

I surrender.


luke 9:23

you ren hui jia le..

My dearest xpk WEN..

wo hui xiang ni de.

haha. rem the times..

when we used to hang out all 3 of us

when i saw in you in regency gym

when we went to ltc

when i used to hang out at your place in uropa

not sleeping and talkingbout sillythings

in your room and 'your room' in my house :)

my secret valentine (shhh. dont tell kai! haha)

thanks so much

for the haircuts :)

for the smiles

for the warmhugs

for being a great sister

as we journey together

and so,

my dearest xpk

go shine!

much love,

dpk :)

Running.

i remember.

The moments when You came and took me under your wings.

I remember

I remember.

everyone's busybusy these days! assignments, work, meetups and ketchups. it's tiring, but exciting! i see tired faces all around but the slight smile and how eyeslightup when we come together and worship and talk about what He has done and is doing. It's remarkable really. :)

still, testing times for everyone. myself included. i'd like to go for prayer meet later but i cant cuz i've got an appointment. ahhhh. not really looking forward to this appointment. not when im paying someone to torture me. :P

run the race!

Again.

Psalm 62:7-8

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight

i'm learning to trust, again.

Golden every morning.

Heart.

L plates.

today spoke volumes about discipline.

the difference between discipline and regimentation. the difference between discipline and punishment. the difference between punishment and judgement. i concede i have a long way to go. and loads to learn (and unlearn). but thank God for His patience, for

"Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole."

-job 5:17-18

and be encouraged that..

''My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline
and do not resent His rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
as a father the son he delights in."

-proverbs 3:10-12

How wonderful is our Father's love for us.




Meanwhile, i've been thinking loads about changing a few things. quite a few things actually. however it'd take quite a bit of time before any of it becomes visible. but that's okay. i've tried many times. many times that turn into more times that turn into few times that turn into 'no time(s)'. haha. but i know, effective change happens from the inside out. that's why it takes time.
:)

i won't say i'm in a good mood.. but i won't say i'm in a bad mood either. i'm moody. more so because i've got a headache. haha! :P throbthrob. im gonna bed. byee.

Plan rack

Haha

Plan bench

Haha

awesome sunday!

what an enjoyable sunday :) thank You! for everyone and everything!

what a longing. haha. :) so random. pray that tmr will be. yeah. another one. :)

<3

i love you so much.

Jesus


I love you so much.

you know

i dont know anything at all




all i know


is that

i am loved



how my soul longs for You


so i'll give thanks

to You

and

everyone

thank you

love,
iamjonlee

Every morning

You take my breath away.

Haha

Random in my car!

Nel so cool

Wow!!

Glorious One

You make each day a new day. You really do. I am in awe of all that You are, of all Your creation. You are powerful. You are mighty. You are faithful. You are justice. You are sovereign. You are truth. You are loving. You give hope. You are holy. Holy. Holy. You are my God, saviour, friend, lover, Lord and King. I lift up my eyes to the hills - for where does my help come from?

Haha

Cell group bs!! :)

when i wake up

addicted i am. going round in circles. degenerating one thought at a time into a merrygoround of tommyrot. i am definitely not sober.

yes.

when is it too much? why, i sometimes ask everything else except the milliondollarquestion.

sek800i, i love you

haha wow can you believe it? the post below came from my phone! as in my mobile phone. i knew the sonyericsson k800i always had the function to 'mobile blog'. but i never really tried it out - until today! SO COOL LA

more so, i needed a photo badly of a sample entry mat to send to my architect for urgent approval. hahaha. but we didnt have a camera in my site office! i know my phone has a decent camera as mobile phones go, but i didnt bring the cable to connect to my office computer. so how? hmmmm decided to try out the photo blog function!! lol. and it worked!!!!! goodness. so i just d/l the photo off my blog and emailed it to my architect for approval. wow! its so crazy laaa. think i'll use this phone function more often next time ahaha

Entry mat :)

Wah

weekender

not bad what. quite okay right. haha.

thanks ZL for a good night with japanesefood and drinks. yah i know it sounded really noob *esp the serious look.. and then swig of the bottle* but lol i was actually serious also la. but i think you know. keep pressing on man. no more japsongs already please.. haha. ZL you are too cool.. sheng ri kuai le, and ni jiang hua yu hen hao xiao :)

also, thanks to AK and KL for the good bringmebackdowntoearth chats. the reality is that yeah its something that you can't like suddenly 'stop' thinking abt. hahahaha for once in a long time i absolutely fried my ears talking on the phone and i don't dare look at my phone bill for this month. oh waitaminute. its august! end of this month i think i can go and take a free phone from 3 hahaha.

about that fire that happened last friday, the lobby area on the 3rd floor of one of the buildings was pretty badly damaged. wonder how much that'll cost us! and you know how the fire came about? someone throwing a cigarette butt on the ground that (possibly) blew into a pile of rubbish. i pretty sure the guy who did it knows who he is and probably ran away before anyone found out. nobody's gonna own up to it.

P party was good. P for pizza, popcorn, pyjamas, pastor, p plates, polka dots, pink, purple, parka (ben), prayer (over the food), photos (no polaroids this time) and last but definitely not least, POSERS. haha. the only missing P was Penny, whom we would love to invite to the next P party :)

eventful weekend! Sunday was very interesting at Life Expedition. Met up with Timmy for a good chat. speaking to him tomorrow evening again! haha should be good should be good..

breaking news

just heard an alarm to evacuate the site. think there's a fire up on one on the buildings. smoke pouring out. fire engines racing in. stay tuned.

Second August Two Thousand Seven

there must be more than this

This just in!

Praise God!! Fongy's visa episode has been sorted! yeahyeah. hahaa. God is awesomeeeeee! thanks everyone too for your prayers!

honest.

haha. its a minute past midnight. why am i still awake? some may ask.





in truth, it may seem to many that rarely do i stay up past 11pm (bedtime!). but actually? hahahaha. a select few know better. i only ever do stay up for one reason and one reason only. OJM knows. Nel knows. ESS knows. and Fongy knows. (pls keep him in prayer everyone thanksverymuch!) :) and so it shall remain the secret of 809D.





I just met KY for an 'interesting' chat ;). haha. was good! greater & greater faith ya! mmm. saw RUSSELL FOO KWOK SHON and MS for the first time in ages.. hadn't thought about stuff for a long while.

can hardly wait for friday. can hardly wait for saturday. P!





I'm also only working half day tmr so im ok on the slp bit. but the 2nd half of the day, i suspect, will be much more tiring (physically) than the 1st. i've got exactly 3 places to get to in 2 hours. with appointments made for each of them. Prayerfully, everything will turn out ok :)

You make each day a new day.

& i'll let my words be true

Jesus,

i am so in love with You.

Actually.

does anyone understand?

only You

suddenly.

I've had casting crowns playing in my head for the last few days.

it's awesome to see the cell group growing. coregroupmeeting yesterday was nice. i got a free warm japanese green tea courtesy of meshiiya. (is that how you spell it?) i think it's going to be another exciting semester for the cell!

got the opportunity to have great conversations over the past few days. even with different people whom i don't see around often! friday, had a good chat with KL after nicecellgroupsupper and running 3 blocks down queensberry st (haha), then on sat played soccer with the boys (2nd career appearance), and somehow had a great conversation with Jfeng at WW's bday/farewell. Also got to chat with brian and sansan there. Sunday, met RachOh all the way from brissy, who's staying with the Maks. excellent ketchup from coc1st service to about lunchtime. then went for an impromptu coffee with Jo and TLim. then after cgm, had (yetanother) chat with KL. and mr yap also in between appointments.

keep the faith, bro.

i was just saying to someone that i might've repeated myself regarding a certain subject multiple times over the past couple days. haha! see i'm like quite boring one.

Thank You Lord for all the wonderful friends/relationships that you've blessed me with. I pray that i will honour You even with my lips and friendships.

In Christ Alone.

In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This Cornerstone, this solid Ground;

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm;

What heights of love, what depths of peace;

When my fears are stilled, when strivings cease;

My Comforter, my All in All;

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

AH.

inside out.

learning.

hope.

Yes, a little bit random. but thoughts go quicker than fingerstyping. so i only get to catch a few words. it comes full circle, thoughts i mean. and times like these when i'm sorely lacking in a means of expression, i go poof with a thunderclap and then suddenly im hidden again, shrouded in thingsyetfamiliar. go on.

- thinking iamjonlee. thinking thinking thinking.

workerbee.

haven't written anything much past few weeks. have been rather busy. work is taking its toll, and travancore is in full swing now. hopefully we'll ride this momentum until november, and actually finish up in december *hopingpraying*.

I've committed myself to the end of the project, whenever that is. as long as it doesn't interfere with uni 2008. so its technically possible that if travancore drags on to february, iamjonlee will have 0 days of holiday... :(

but somehow, secretly, i'm quite okay with it.

because i know that He'll be with me.



Uni will be a refreshing startagain. i know i know, i'll prob get pwned by people for saying that uni is 'relaxing' and 'refreshing', but to some extent i see next year as a holiday haha. while i think that's not the bestapproach to next year (esp since i wanna do well, for once), it does feel nice to have, well. less responsibility. even if just for a year, to have a load taken off your shoulders. to do something not because you're obligated to but because you want to.

believe me, work makes you WANT to study.

while the work load (in doing well) is obligatory, the time for study/assignments isn't really fixed. what i mean is that at least there's some flexibility (freedom) in managing your time and activities. At least i can stay up late for acertainsomething, for example, and have done my studying beforehand or the next day. at work, you've gotta be there doingdoingdoing from xx am to xx pm, whether you like it anot, and otheractivities need to be worked around that schedule (so that you have enough sleep not to get pwned at work).

that's been one of the greatest struggles with work. but praise God, He's already seen me through a year of it. and i've begun to enjoy other parts of work life :) esp the relationships made and the (unlikely) friendships forged. it really is not as bad as i make it sound.

but studying is still better :) haha.

Aiyoh. i'm sucha complainer.



Praise and thanks be to God who is so patient with me.

Glory to Your Name

Jesus Christ is Lord

Lord and King

more than meets the eye.

seems like a long road ahead.

hmm. somehow i seem to have lost alot of interest in games. for some reason or other, they can't seem to hold my attention (for long) anymore.

shucks.

its not nice when you grow up without noticing.

HOLD ON. TIGHT.

sorry for not updating this blog lately. haven't been disciplined (bothered) enough to log in to blogger.com to post anything haha. but today, i shall!

God has been revealing to me a fair bit about discipline. more often than not, i think the key isn't how disciplined you are in sticking to your regimen or gameplan, nor is it how 'flexible' (lackadaisical) you are in not following any routine or set rules. but a balance of discipline and flexibility - enough discipline to not be idle and unfocused, and enough flexibility to allow God to work even in changed/unfamiliar circumstances. The key to having a balance of both also, i think, can be attributed to focusing on God Himself.

Proverbs 3:5-6

'5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.'

I'll also include the next verse, because our own wisdom (and pride) often gets in our way to GG ourselves..

Proverbs 3:7

' 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil. '

How many times have we owned ourselves because we think 'Oh, i've already been through this and that and this and that. who is in a better position to talk about all this than me. i think ive got the right to talk about this. after all, im pretty trained already what. who are you to talk about this, you only know so little. eh i got do this and that leh. you got anot? do it this way i tell you. blah blah blah. '

I concede and confess that every so often, i am guilty of the above. whether or not i express it in that manner could be a different story. im not sure. but yeah every so often, i have to catch myself when my heart and thought processes are becoming like the example abovementioned. I'm very sorry and i hope i have not misled anyone!

but in the end. who knows best? haha. yes. you got it. it's none other than you know Who.

That one, im pretty sure :)

picked up a very impt lesson from todays utmost.
http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=07&day=08&year=07

All praise and glory be to God! thank You so much that even in times of our inequity or wrongdoing, grace and truth still shines through despite us. Thank You.

Shine

i can't think. i can only trust. maybe things arent that complicated after all. In the end, the things that matter, the things that count.

Seize the day.

It's time to shine.

I am free.

I am saved by Your grace.


'sinner'

'saved'

'grace'

'love'



'Jesus'





More than the world, more than life.

More of You.

OWNED.

"on the bright side, hon', we've um.. set our little aquarium fishies free?"

"..shutup."

wow its a wednesday!

i think the chinese script below has turned out kinda weird. funny! it worked well in the beginning haha but now its funnysquirmylookingcharacters.

apart from all this.


the process of surrender is a tough one.



contrary to (notvery) popular belief, iajl actually thinks alot alot, and secretly plans and stuff in his head ehehehe even though always looking like super blur sotong.


blur on the outside, clear on the inside (trying to be).
most times, i just look tired. haha! thats prob the tell tale sign that my mind is thinking furiously somewhere else. just look at my eyes if they're focusing, and you can prob tell where my mind is. (yishun? ontario? langkawi?)

i've had a lot of ideas lately. not every one will come to fruition (if any at all), pending alot of things. i know i sound a lil cryptic, but i suppose thats how it goes. maybe im a lil cryptic. like batman.

interesting word, 'cryptic'. how often was it used back in the day? hahaha now its socommonplace to use 'ohgosh thats so cryptic la', and 'eh, i think thats kinda cryptic' hahaha. i bet no one heard that in pri sch or even secondary sch. but its become like a pretty hip word nowadays. like 'GG' and 'noob'.

in the end, rather than crytic, being paradoxical may be a lil more apt.

i have no secrets. but then i have a few secrets.

HUH

hahahahahaha. maybe someone can provide an explanation of/for me.

define iamjonlee

HUH

hahahahahahahahaha







Romans 5:6-8


"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."


Romans 8:12-17


"Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.

For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,[h] Father."

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

:)

不懂

己经好远了 退也有一点累了

我们都不知道路有多远 走到何时少歇一歇

不如就现在吧 让我们都停下

但是在休息后 我们还不知道继续走的理由

雨都停了天都亮了

我们还不懂

这爱情路究竟带我们到甚么地方

是要持续仍旧珍惜 还是回到原地

如今此刻的我的确是有一点疲倦

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCG3PCy-rPU

whaha i like this song! i think its abit old. and its got something to do between JJ lin and A*mei but i dont really know what. the words arent that great - ending with 'pi juan' just sounds funny. but i like the melody! JJ lin looks kinda funny in the mtv too i have to say. what kind of hair!?

it's also the last song on the cd. i actually liked 'hui yo na mo de yi tian' which is the 2nd last song better. but from the numerous times the cd has repeated in my car, this song gets stuck in my head more often.. because i've 'accidentally' listened to it more when i'm lazy to change the cd/song (i usually skip tracks) after my fave song on the cd ends haha

Me dad has been here all week and is going back tonight. It has been very nice having him around, even though i haven't had much time to spend with him on the weekdays because of work. anyway, i'll be seeing him real soon again before i know it. haha

cheers all! enjoy your holidays and freedom yeah!

-sobbing jonlee

haha!

Go.

Come.

iamjonleespeak

it's been awhile since i last blogged. lotsa things have happened and are happening!

my dad is about in Australia, going between Perth/Melbourne/Gold Coast and back and forth. got to spend Father's Day with him on Sunday (17th June, Singapore Father's Day) which was good. everytime dad comes, i can expect a lot of the following: good food, long talks (esp about property), at least one session at the driving range, and more clothes (from mom, with love). i really enjoy my dad's visits so yeah, the past week or so has been good!

Everyone's pretty much done with exams now. Hope everyone goes well!

I met up with my main man itono hakim yesterday. Had a very enjoyable time with him, just listening and understanding everything that's on his mind (and heart), and just being able to talk to him and pray for him. Am very proud of itono for not giving up. :) while we all don't know what lies ahead, we can take heart that He has prepared the way, and continue to trust and abide in His love :) you'll be ok, itono!

ooooo ran into krystin and jolyn yesterday when they were on their way home from jensenmahwork, just as itono and i were going to dessert house. haha was nice, but they looked really tired! haha. (thats ok everyone says the same about me) i kinda nudged itono telling him that he'd be in the same boat as the 3 of us real soon lol. pretty terrible right. but God is faithful! and its really not as bad as we always make it sound. hahahahaa. but the transition bit is not easy, and it takes some time to get used to it.

am meeting youarejoellee this evening. haha! looking forward to it! we started a new one:

joel lee: hey, iamjonlee
jon lee: no, youarejoellee
joel lee: yes, iamjoellee
jon lee: yes, iamjoellee
joel lee: no, youarejonlee
jon lee: yes, iamjonlee

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA


ps. oh pls continue to pray for: benjibonji and fam (in sg) and nigeru (in ns), thanks everyone!

pps. wii is fun! thanks brandon for inviting us to ur place that night lol. we all had fun. in attendance: fongy, alfred, brandon, itono, iamjonlee, ames upload photos/videos k LOL

i think i should be quiet.

i dont want to complain. i dont want to compare.

what i want

is more of You

please

liking it.

I like this cafe. its very creatively 'positioned' under the nice oldarchitecture. but
whats the name of the cafe again? G.P.O. or something?

the best bit is that the tables are laminated with blowups of the architectural elevations. :)

even better is the nice cellgroupchatter under the heat of the supagas heater!

woops

SPOT THE MISTAKE! haha (sorry wen/jun, i didnt mean to use qv as an example.. :P )

hahaha. this entry mat placement cracks me up. particularly because i've been dealing with entry mats for the past week for my project. I know the reason for it though hehehehe.

i really need to concentrate more on my work. really really.

in case i misplace the entry mats too!

:)

WO

NO, ITS NOT STRAIGHTFORWARD.

but i want to choose to go through the narrow way.

i dunno.

haha actually sometimes holidays are not so good for you ive realised. at least not when its over too long a span.

like this 3 day weekend. GG man trying to get back into the working mindset. hahaha. there's a lot on my mind as the week comes again. although i do know that before long the week'll be over again. i'd much rather a short break midweek than for long weekends.

i dunno.

there's a lot i have to say.

Quite Simply...

I want to stop thinking so much.

I want to live for Your glory.

emergence of supergeekboy!

i realise that i sit in front of a computer for at least 9 hours a day.

just a few discoveries that are starkly apparent:

1. i can type reasonably quick now (without looking :D yes it took me real long)
2. i can 'alt-tab' even faster. :P
3. i can stare at a screen for 40 secs w/o blinking
4. i can concentrate on multiple things at once ( >5 windows open at any one time)
5. i can have a 'concentrating really hard' look on my face even though i'm not really.
6. i start every email with: 'in regard to, please find attached, further to' and end with 'for your information, reference and action. Kind Regards, '.
7. my bum starts to hurt
8. there's a bum 'mould' in my seat
9. my bum becoming 'seat' shaped.
10. im becoming round. like a ball.

*disclaimer: did not intend to share so much info for items 7,8,9.

item 10 is probably true. i can probably bounce by now.

hmm

sometimes, its hard to decide who to listen to.

what is it like to wrestle with yourself and God? and man, for that matter. 1,000,000 things happening all around. 1,000,000,000 things gonna happen (or so it seems).





dont worry dont worry dont worry about tmr

and hope in the Lord.

i wanna choose to listen

to the voice of Truth.

Incredible.

http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=05&day=22&year=07

haha. its 7am already! and im still at home on my computer. gonna be late for work!! GG!

MISSING IN ACTION.

Above: iamjonlee enjoying the everpopular 'teh peng' or icemilktea.

MISSING : 1 no. 'iamjonlee'

last seen in public outside spicyfishrestaurant by kLow and jChee.

POSSIBLE ABDUCTION BY THE NOTORIOUS
' OHGOODNESS-THERE'STOOMUCHWORK '
& ' FAMILYMEMBER-CAMETOVISIT ' TRIADS

If spotted, please call 1800FINDJONLEE and bring along copious amounts of lychee tea, green tea, or milk tea to assist in rescue operations. missing person may bite when tea levels are low.

Incomparable

God loves us SO much more than we love Him. Incredible? It's like comparing Mt. Everest to an anthill. maybe not even. haha. Dear Lord, do teach us to love with Your perfect love. Amen.

random. again.

hmmm. lately my internet has been a little bit slow. i wonder why! eh, come to think of it i cannot remember when was the last time i paid my internet bill also.

I just got home. not very good, considering its 10mins to midnight and i still have to report to work tmr. hahaha. i slept a good 7+ hours last night though. and its weekend after tmr, so no complaints!

well.the reason why i got home so late was.. i was checking out kaishans new place. as most people know, i always like to tapknock around peoples apartments..esp new ones! first time i stepped into milano too. not bad what. abit on the small side but the location's good.

okok. the real reason why i got home so late is because i was going through bible study material in prep for tmrs bible study. haha!

i also need to refrain from typing a couple of sentences about something, then going on to the next paragraph and doing the same again about something that sorta links but doesnt. huh?

more than that, i need to wake up my idea. i find that more often than not (or more often that i would like to) im in a complete daze. and not really like conscious of things. like not thinking properly, nobody home like that. even when im typing this post. no good really. no good at all.

but the bible study material really hit home just now.

and im amazed at what You've done.

Dodgy guys.

found this in my archives. in the boot of a car, sticking out my leg somemore. (we were sitting in the boot of a CRV)

circa 21st feb 2005.

don't move.

I've been thinking. alot.

You are worthy, O Lord.

just to be free..

Praise be to You in the highest.

ROAR!

the lakers got kicked out of the playoffs today. so did the nuggets. so did man u (dont be sad bobby). it was a sad day for many. but you know what, im not sad leh. hahaha. (cmon as if the lakers were going to beat the run&gunSuns. still, i also support amare. and nash. amare (apparently) changed his number not for normal reasons. check slam magazine the ish with STAT on the cover. hahahahaha. come to think of it now i can actually see a noticeable change in his character. and even the attitude he plays the game with. heheh. how much less attention he is attracting to himself, and how much he is to the good of the team in wins and even in loses. still, im happy for amare.

still, my fave nba big who i support very much is dwight 'kiss the rim, crush the backboard' howard. even in the most improbable of moments. my man dwight chooses to shine for Someone else. Check the pictures of the most recent dunk contest, where dwight caught an alleyoop pass from jameer nelson slapped close to the top of the backboard(!!) while catching the pass and smashing the ball through the rim. to make a bit of a statement, he had a sticker his left hand to mark where on the board he had touched. knowing the cameras would zoom in to have close look at the sticker (and how crazy high it was above the rim!! rim=10feet, DHsticker=12feet6inches!). i'll leave the pictures to do the talking. look closely. not only at DH's cheesysmile :D

above: DH, killing me.

below: milliondollarsmile. :) (phil 4:13 NKJV)

:)

DH, you're really killing me. haha.

i wanna SHOUT. i wanna BREAK FREE. i wanna LIVE FREE. i wanna be BROKEN. and BUILT UP. i wanna STAND APART. i wanna LIVE FOR HIS GLORY!

zzzzzzzzzz

i really need to keep awake. sometimes, a lil lunch on a warm afternoon, getting stuck in the front of the computer in the office = an environment so sleep inducing that i had to retype this maybe 3, 4 times before i got it correct because as im nodding off the typing just becomes jibberish. just basically falling asleep in the (head) while the body's still going. this is a struggle , and its really GG. ahahahahaha. either that, or my work's THAT boring. :)

maybe it is... hahahahahahahaha.

SLOW

there are so many new things that came up today. all of which actually i do care about. but i will choose to take things slow. one step at a time. :)

i'd rather each step a steady and significant one, rather than to stumble all over the place and have to retrace my steps again and again. patienceperseverencepatienceperseverence! slow down. take a deep breath.

and walk. :)

- on another note. thanks bjbj for a good dinner and conversation. do feel free to hit me up as and when yeah? you're doing an excellent job. *patonshoulder* oh and the zephaniah verse you shared in the emails hit me like a bomb. :)

Zeph 3:16-17

16 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“ Do not fear;
Zion, let not your hands be weak.

17 The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

- on another another note. i realise that most egg chiffon meals are pure protein, carbo and cholesterol. GG. i've been trying (key word is trying) to do an extra something every night. my lil experiment. lets see what happens!

SOTONG KIA.

there was a boy.

who didnt know. just what its like, to be out there.

you know, generally i like to talk about life. i also love to read about life. about the lives of others. i marvel at how people kinda list the things they did throughout the day - but yet still make it remarkably interesting - almost exciting to read about and dream about. or maybe to just make you take note and an interest in.

lately ive been finding it rather difficult to put anything down in words. like this blog entry, for example. its not there isnt anything to write about. more so, it seems like everyday i have agazziliontrillion thoughts that whizz through my head - too much - maybe my fingers lack the dexterity to keep up. i realise i also type real slow. (i love watching others who type real quick, its almost entertaining! like wen, WAH so fast! ) that's an excuse, really. some things i cant bring myself to let out. my sense of privacy (that i strongly deny) getting the better (of me).

in part, it's this. maybe when someone is already so public with most of his life - there are the little bits of privacy that he clings onto. like if everything's out in the open, then there's nothing mysterious already. hahahaha. no la i really don't think like that. in the end, my main point is not about retaining any sense of secrecy or mystery about myself. (though ive once been told that girls esp those who a lil sense of mystery in their taste in men hahahahaha mysterious = cool mah! badboyimage )

rather, ive grown to realise over the years that there is another thing about not knowing everything, in that it ties in with some of the marvelous plans of tremendous blessing. God's ways, in some sense, i really marvel at. because there is a great deal of diving into the unknown. to abandon almost all sense of rationality and dwelve into whats often a greatbig questionmark. in the little glimpses and revelations of aGreatsecretPlan unfolding, we, by His grace, end up blessed beyong measure when we suddenly come to realise just a little bit what God's heart is like, in what He has planned for us.

So maybe there are only two things that can be certain. 1) the certainty of uncertainty 2) The certainty of God's presence and His unfailing love. the concept of trusting only in faith. in a love that outshines and eclipses all other forms and sources of insecurity that also comes with uncertainty. In some sense, maybe if our futures were certain; if i knew for sure where i'd be exactly in 10 years. 20 years, i'd be much less insecure (than i am now). but we never really know for sure, do we?

the uncertainties of the future ARE scary. (because its not certain?) but still, i am challenged to abandon even my own perceptions and reasoning when it comes to my future - and to trust in His ways. simply because i TRUST that God knows, better!

i'd rather people not know about certain things. most things can. but certain things not that cannot, but its better not to. the most (maybe) frustrating thing in being so much enigmatic is because of. well, is because its not that you DONT want to tell, but by telling you kinda spoil the secret? haha. In that sense, i do look forward to finally finding out, when i am with Him in paradise, what God intended in His purposes behind His greatsecretplan. maybe in that light, some secrets are kept not in the luxury or purpose of maintaining your own privacy - but rather for the greatergood and blessing of others - partofa plan in your heart, in love, to bless another. and that being the goal - above all other things. because really, im not sure if love is giving in always, and having all the answers. but come a specific time, when its ripe/right, the person comes to find out truth behind the secret - and most times, by himself/herself. then the truth (and the secret) will be all the more so much more meaningful, and speak powerfully into the person's life in tremendous blessing. and sometimes, isn't that how God is with us?

that being said, there is one thing i will make fairly obvious that i CANNOT keep a secret. and that is that Jesus loves us so. :) that is, by no means (worldlyphysicalorspiritualorinanysense) a secret. because He has even written it in the very fabric of reality. a truth that i cannot keep in because everyone needs to know.

i like secrets. haha.

to most, i'd simply be grateful if you viewed me as blur. like sotong. :)