here i am. good ol' 73 cavenagh
2 hours away from being at the airport, 1 hour to pack. (surely it takes nowhere that long)
it dawned upon me that this might be one of the last times i get to sit and just stone in my chocolate (mocha?) coloured room that my dad and i painted by balancing on an assortment of chairs and tables to reach up the 3.0m high walls. the standard ikea shelving jam-packed with stuff from yesteryear, the now-too-slow but once was (almost)top-of-the-range pc barely surviving dad's daily email sessions and mom's (pc)mahjong. the squeaky bed still being, well, squeaky. "It sounds dodge, that bed. like something dodgy is happening." says mom. of all people. haha.
there is a strange sense of fondness, coupled with an excitement of what is to come.
soon it'll be goodbye orchard road. hello again, yishun. new yet old. old yet new.
such is also the state of my mind. new faces, old faces. new yet old, old yet new.
before i came back i thought that all i would have would be a little escape back home. didn't think things would turn out the way they did. just something else, every single day. collectively, more has happened on so many levels in 13 days than all of the 2+ months i usually spend at home every year.
God is moving.
and so I will follow.
see ya'll soon. :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
a new day
it seems that i have an arthritic right pinky
this morning, i woke up
and it was different
ok. not taking into account the fact that i had slept for almost 12 hours (which is very rare given my choice of university course) but it felt just very much so that something was not the same
like a shift of atmosphere
(cue repeat SHIFT OF ATMOSPHERE!!! by nickyseow)
and not in the sense of a change in altitude and water vapour, but spiritual atmosphere.
yesterday, i prayed a very interesting prayer. one that was almost 'prescribed' to me given the situation and circumstances i still find myself in. i was apprehensive, at first. but before i allowed skepticism to get to me i found myself moving my lips and praying a barely audible prayer - so soft that i knew only One who could hear. i'd usually pray something like this in my mind, or in my heart. but i was told to speak it out.
so i did.
i'll confess that even last night after praying it, things didn't change much. as in, it wasn't sudden or dramatic. but i knew it was going to be a process. that prayer, essentially, was a decision. and i still hadn't grasped the entirety of making such a decision. it's one of those things where you know you should do something - but you just don't want to. can't, almost, because everything that you've held on to to this point is in question. and in choosing to forego everything, you're essentially giving up control. and that seemed... very, very scary. because the decision involved the potential of losing everything. because of the possibility of the death of a dream. because it's not about you anymore. is that what i want? hold up. is it even about what i want? because this decision would most definitely redefine that in every possible way.
so, today.
today was spent walking down memory lane. i didn't plan for it to happen that way - it just did. (for many who know me, it seems to always be like this) i visited places that i hadn't been in about 10 years. did things in those places i hadn't done for about as long. and i'd still been reeling somewhat from the 'freshness' of the morning, which lent to my contemplative mood as i encountered each wave of familiarity - trying hard to relate what once was with the day's newfound perspective. i found myself connecting forgotten dreams with new ones (which is a rather intricate process to verbalise i must say). put simply, it was an opportunity to reconnect present and past, to understand what i was doing in light of what i had done. to remember who i once was in contrast to who i now am. and all this, with a fresh new hope for something greater.
today, i saw faces, places and reflections. and through them, i also saw glimpses of the future.
a new day, with You.
that's when a new day happens everyday
this morning, i woke up
and it was different
ok. not taking into account the fact that i had slept for almost 12 hours (which is very rare given my choice of university course) but it felt just very much so that something was not the same
like a shift of atmosphere
(cue repeat SHIFT OF ATMOSPHERE!!! by nickyseow)
and not in the sense of a change in altitude and water vapour, but spiritual atmosphere.
yesterday, i prayed a very interesting prayer. one that was almost 'prescribed' to me given the situation and circumstances i still find myself in. i was apprehensive, at first. but before i allowed skepticism to get to me i found myself moving my lips and praying a barely audible prayer - so soft that i knew only One who could hear. i'd usually pray something like this in my mind, or in my heart. but i was told to speak it out.
so i did.
i'll confess that even last night after praying it, things didn't change much. as in, it wasn't sudden or dramatic. but i knew it was going to be a process. that prayer, essentially, was a decision. and i still hadn't grasped the entirety of making such a decision. it's one of those things where you know you should do something - but you just don't want to. can't, almost, because everything that you've held on to to this point is in question. and in choosing to forego everything, you're essentially giving up control. and that seemed... very, very scary. because the decision involved the potential of losing everything. because of the possibility of the death of a dream. because it's not about you anymore. is that what i want? hold up. is it even about what i want? because this decision would most definitely redefine that in every possible way.
so, today.
today was spent walking down memory lane. i didn't plan for it to happen that way - it just did. (for many who know me, it seems to always be like this) i visited places that i hadn't been in about 10 years. did things in those places i hadn't done for about as long. and i'd still been reeling somewhat from the 'freshness' of the morning, which lent to my contemplative mood as i encountered each wave of familiarity - trying hard to relate what once was with the day's newfound perspective. i found myself connecting forgotten dreams with new ones (which is a rather intricate process to verbalise i must say). put simply, it was an opportunity to reconnect present and past, to understand what i was doing in light of what i had done. to remember who i once was in contrast to who i now am. and all this, with a fresh new hope for something greater.
today, i saw faces, places and reflections. and through them, i also saw glimpses of the future.
a new day, with You.
that's when a new day happens everyday
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