65'

Just handed in the ED essay today, 3000 words, 18 pages in about... hmmm. 9 hours? hahahaha. the dr in the house says i cut it close each time. i got it in a minute before the chute closes. it was exciting making it to the chute!! the dr gave me a lift and we were fighting through semipeakhour traffic to get there. it was tense, man. calling the turns and the lane changes just trying to save the couple minutes. and then bailing when we get to grattan st as i make a mad dash on foot across the uni grounds to the archi office.

well its in now isnt it? :) haha

i know i know i cut it close. i procrastinate. i dillydallyaround until lastminutepanic sets in. and even then, i wouldn't really call it panic.

but

Your grace keeps me going.

I sincerely sincerely sincerely need to work things out - see the bigger picture. regain passion and hope and love and faith and truth and be intentional in what i do

it's funny, really. there are intangible struggles that the world doesnt see, doesnt define as legitimate problems in the pursuit of success. weak, they call it. get over it. cmon stand up and move on.

i dont buy that.

you see, in my apparent weakness to the world, things change. shift. thoughtprocesses that were once unquestioned as concrete and 'the way the world works' begin to unravel as perhaps questionable. more than that, this state of helplessness then allows for someone greater to work in and through me, for a purpose greater than my own.

perspective.

T issued the challenge the other day. i sought refuge, escape and/or freedom. he pretty much told me to get back into it and learn to accept it.

i said there was no hope. i said if. maybe. probably (not). I said i was tired. of getting killed time and again.

he said hope. believe. hang on. resurrect. learn. and beyond everything, build a foundation.

so here i am.

hoping, believing, hanging on, dying and coming back, learning

and building.

that's what i do isnt it?