What a year.
As I sit here in my room listening to a mix of PTX and the afternoon monsoon rain streaming down the window, I can't help but think about what a year it's been. and how I've arrived here in this crazy journey.
What was I doing at this time last year? Let's see. 41X would've just ended marking the two biggest years of my HG growth. I would've had just attended the HG Christmas Party that coincided with the last day of my resignation. Would've been handing out cards at the Christmas Party and giving/receiving well wishes. Would've been wondering about the uncertainty of what was to come. I vaguely recall skyping with NL about a couple projects in Malaysia. I recall there was a sense of excitement, anticipation, and expectation. The office had been secured, and was about to be fitted out (with our crazy fitout design). We were on our way up, and it was exciting.
Fast forward one year, and we find ourselves in a place probably different from what we were expecting. Ups and downs. Wins and losses. Agreements and disagreements. Choices presented and decisions made. It hasn't been easy by any measure, but I am so thankful that we've remained steady through our episodes of difficulty, and (for the most part) channeled this into growth and development. I actually think at some point, though I'm not quite sure when, we transitioned to the next phase in our growth on so many levels. There is now a team - and through our ups and downs it feels like we are all learning together. As a collective, but also at a personal level.
I suppose one of the biggest things, though it'll probably be hard to properly describe, is the working out and testing of idea(l)s and possibilities against commercial realities and relational intricacies - both at a project level and at an organizational level. The biggest thing this year has probably been learning (the hard way) what this looks like. Looking back, there has been so much that has come from us just feeling our way through new and uncertain situations, and dealing with the emergent outcomes.
When I stop, pause, and just take stock of all the milestones and new opportunities presented I can't help but think how blessed we are to be in this situation. At the same time, I am just as intrigued by how all of this must somehow be part of a bigger story unraveling through all of our individual stories.
Personally, and relationally, it's been a big growth year coming off a couple of tough ones. It's funny how much you learn about yourself by just putting yourself out there. This year feels like it's been the culmination of a long season of breaking, healing, and acceptance, and through this so much self-discovery has come of it. I've become younger and matured perhaps at the same time, intensified and mellowed simultaneously, all in the process of coming closer to becoming whole. There's still a long way to go, but trajectory-wise I just start to feel that much of the realignment has just taken place. Calibration. I wonder where it'll lead me?
I'd say this year is the first year that I've truly learned about the value of commitment and choice. Where I've learned how fleeting feelings truly are, and that truth, honour, and respect remain. Where I've come to the end of myself. Where I've come to appreciate those around and in front of me. Where I've begun to only trust through the unknown. Trust, that hope will come through in the end.
I'd like to think that this Christmas means for me all of these things that I've experienced through the ups and downs of the year that has been.
The posturing of the heart (in spite of how I feel), the planning and preparation (of what it is in my power to do), the impeccable alignment of exact situational conditions (that I just could never control), and the recognition of the surreal perfection of the moment (for me to act).
In so doing, I am believing that it is faith, love and hope that will prevail, no matter the outcome.
That's Christmas to me.
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