Tough gig, this. (getting older)
Not sure how I got here. There has been tremendous change. In heart, in mind, and in spirit. A real shift - things that meant so much more to me once upon a time no longer do, replaced by new things that I had never thought would mean anything to me.
In many ways, it is a lot simpler. Yet more complex. Gone is the wonder and amazement, the thrill and the exhilaration. But in its place, I find instead simple stability, contentment, and a quiet thankfulness.
Unpacking the simple and complex oxymoron - the heart stuff got a lot more simple, but the intellectual stuff got a lot more complex. I have before me an opportunity to truly do me. To learn and grow without the baggage of 'what if' (in real life) and attempting the reconcile the world with the wild, infinitesimal extremes of my imagination (which has led to so much disappointment). I felt like I really got to the end of me - which is a void of such emptiness that your heart fails to feel anything. Not even fear when you reach the realisation that there is really just nothing but nothingness. At the end, you come to terms with the failure to have anything having gone your way. Whatever that is. Nothing mattered anymore.
It was only then that the healing came. The truth came. And in embracing it, I found so much healing. There was such a need to rid the old, and welcome the new. Death to the old season. Reset, re-assess and re-calibrate. Here comes the new.
And through all of this, You remain the one constant. For that I am so thankful.
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